The bride wants an intimate ceremony, with only eight friends.
Taking to the British parenting forum Mumsnet, the anonymous woman explained that it will be her second marriage and her partner’s first, and as well as not having the budget for ‘pomp’, they’re forgoing all the traditions like hen and stag dos and a wedding reception.
They plan to meet for tea with eight of their friends after the ceremony, then spend the night in a country house with another couple. However, when they shared their plans with people, they were told it was’sad’ not to have any family.
She explained to her that the parents had died, and she would invite their siblings as well as their partners.
Commenters were divided with many advising against not inviting families and warned that the secrecy would damage relationships, while others said they should at least inform their siblings, and some supported the couple’s decision and said they should do as they please.
Mumsnet forum member A female posted her reasons for not inviting her relatives to her secret wedding. This decision was met with backlash
Her explanation was that all of her guests should be paid for, and invites from family would not be feasible for them.
The woman, who revealed that the wedding is going to go ahead next year, said: ‘We originally thought of going to the Registry office and pulling in two witnesses from the street, but now we want to do this with a handful of close friends, followed by afternoon tea (for us + 8 people) and overnight stay in a wonderful country hotel (us and our best friends couple).
Our couple doesn’t need any presents for hen and stag nights. My outfit is in my wardrobe.
‘When I explained the plans to one of my invitees, I said we couldn’t because we don’t have family (and I would hate for some relatives to be excluded – it’s not feasible).
“So we said it would be just a handful of close friends, and to keep it secret from the entire family.
Commentators strongly advised against keeping the marriage secret, and warned that it could lead to hurt feelings.
However, my friend to whom I had mentioned the matter took me aback when, “What, not telling your family?” “How sad.”
Later, she revealed that her parents and grandparents had both died. However, people still were confused They were unable to share the special day with their loved ones.
A commenter stated, “It all depends on your relationship with your family and the direction you wish to take it in the future.” It would be hurtful to hear about the sibling’s marriage after it has happened.
“The secretiveness of the affair would be more bothersome than not being there for the wedding, and would likely permanently damage the relationship. Although it is not intended to be a snub, keeping something that big like a marriage secret would indicate that our relationship has changed, and I would decide to withdraw. Is it not possible to tell them that your wedding is a small, private affair?
Some comments were more cautious than supportive, but they supported the decision of the couple to hold a small ceremony.
Another person warned of the repercussions, saying: ‘It’s your wedding but you need to brace yourself for the fallout from both families.’
‘Why can’t immediate family come to the registry office too? Your family will feel hurt or insulted. I’d love to have had a tiny fuss-free wedding like yours, but I’m not sure I could have handled the fallout.’
A third individual agreed with the statement, “I believe it will place a tremendous strain on your siblings relationships. That may or may not matter to you both, I don’t know what your relationships are like already.’
Commenter 1 said that the secrecy made her feel uncomfortable. It is more like you are hiding than being open. You are being underhand rather than open.
Others suggested that the couple should do things as they see fit and recommended them not to listen to anyone with a different opinion.
‘Personally I wouldn’t want my wedding to be a source of controversy or hurt. I’d probably do the two witnesses thing. It is your choice though, don’t get me wrong- just be prepared for them to be hurt.’
Many others supported the couple. They said that everyone should have the right to choose the kind of wedding they want, rather than having to conform to other people’s wishes.
One said that her sister and her mother had secretly married, even though they were very close and she didn’t mind it.
One added, “Do it. The same thing was done and it worked. The would have been overlooked if they had.
Another supporter commented that all the money and fuss that surrounds weddings can be deemed ‘vulgar’. She said that their plan sounds much nicer and suggested that they should just do what makes them happy.
It was added that if other people are having a problem, then it is a sign they don’t truly care about you happiness.
Replying to a comment that informed the woman that her family would likely be hurt, the fiancé revealed that she had changed her mind
Although supportive, one person expressed doubts and said: “If your grandparents or parents are not alive, I see nothing wrong with what they are doing.”
I would feel devastated if my sis married. It doesn’t really matter if you’re not close to your siblings.
A follow-up blog post was written by the bride-tobe: “We’ll find a way to tell our families what we’re doing.” It won’t stop some people from feeling hurt, but it’s better than hiding it and having everyone find out.