It’s been a bumper year for the hapless of Westminster – and even more so for the diarists who cover them. Here’s a selection of my favorite.
The Award for Worst Supporting Actress in a Disaster Movie goes to Allegra Stratton for uncontrollable crying while apologising for her ‘Let them eat cake’ moment at a mock press conference on how to mislead the public if asked about a No 10 Christmas knees-up during the 2020 lockdown.
Winner of the Mystic Meg Award is billionaire Tory donor Nick Candy, who at party conference called former London Mayoral candidate Shaun Bailey ‘the future of the party’. The snap was taken two months later of Candy with Bailey during a City Hall Christmas party. Bailey resigned as chair of the London Assembly’s police and crime committee days later. What are your thoughts about Nick as the Tory leader next?
The Award for Worst Supporting Actress in a Disaster Movie goes to Allegra Stratton for uncontrollable crying while apologising for her ‘Let them eat cake’ moment
The Pot Kettle Award goes to David Cameron, who last week said Boris Johnson had ‘always been able to get away with things that mere mortals can’t seem to’ such as ploys to ‘bypass the media’ – a bit like Dave’s month-long silence when asked by journalists about his lobbying for Greensill Capital, then.
The Child’s Play Award for embattled civil servants goes to those mandarins who took a break from their wfh Pelotons for ‘Lego Serious Play’. The taxpayer-funded workshops involved building ‘answers to problems’. Like ‘how many of my Minister’s mates can I give Covid contracts to’?
Two absent peer recipients receive the Right to Silence Award. Lord (Charles) Moore is the first recipient of this award. Although he was elected a Tory peer in 2020, he has not yet given a maiden address in the House of Lords. Charlie can’t perform crucial democratic functions, such as tabling parliamentary queries until he is more available. That said, who needs Parliament for political influence when a whisper in Boris’s ear at the Garrick Club in support of Moore’s incorruptible mate Owen Paterson can trigger a Westminster tsunami and a by-election defeat? Moore and Baroness (Shriti), Vadera are joint winners. They were ennobled Labour in 2007, but have not been in the Lords for over ten years.
The Speedy Tweet Deletion Award goes to Tory MP Joy Morrissey, who bravely attacked Chris Whitty, saying the Chief Medical Officer should ‘defer to elected Members of Parliament’, only to erase the tweet less than 30 minutes later. Speaking of punchy tweets, government adviser Ben Goldsmith (brother of Lord Zac) wrote: ‘It is hard to resist a longing for the days of public execution’ in response to the horrific child abuse of Arthur Labinjo-Hughes.
Allegra Stratton had laughed her way through a mock press conference on how to mislead the public if asked about a No 10 Christmas knees-up during the 2020 lockdown
What would he think of the people who were rewarded with public money during the epidemic? It could be a mere flogging. Adam Afriyie was my Dope of the Year Award Winner for lobbying Parliament on medical cannabis. However, he also reached a new height by failing to reveal his position as Chairman of the distributor for the drug.
Esther McVey and Philip Davies, husband and wife, receive the Greed is Still Good Gong. They are both MPs who enjoy freebies from corporate giants as much as they love each other.
Their six-week summer of love in 2021 involved more than £15,000 in paid-for jollies – from Wimbledon to the Euros semi-final.
The You Should Be Fired Award goes to Lord (Alan) Sugar, who, after I wrote about his outside interests and paltry attendance, called me a ‘vindictive trouble-making non-achieving loser’, all before signing off with: ‘My friends call me Alan, you can call me Lord Sugar.’ Happy Christmas Al.
Dominic Raab gets Rebuttal of the Year, for, when accused of paddle-boarding on his luxury Crete holiday while Kabul burned, saying: ‘The sea was actually closed.’
Let’s not get too excited about the poor. My 2021 Hero award goes to Baroness (Betty) Boothroyd, the former Speaker of the Lords, who told me: ‘I never indulge in Zoom or remote [meetings].’
Let’s hope that in 2022, none of us has to.