If you have a problem, email Caroline at c.west-meads@mailonsunday.co.uk. Caroline reads all your letters but regrets she cannot answer each one personally

When you’ve got an issue, e mail Caroline at c.west-meads@mailonsunday.co.uk. Caroline reads all of your letters however regrets she can’t reply each personally

Did she expose my spouse’s secrets and techniques? 

Q     A couple of weeks in the past my spouse and her pal of greater than 40 years had some type of falling out and haven’t spoken since. I raised the topic with my spouse, however she simply laughed it off and mentioned it will all be OK. I do know it was flawed, however I contacted her pal with out my spouse’s information and, after pressuring her, she lastly advised me what it was all about. My spouse’s pal just lately reconnected with a person who they each had relationships with years in the past – and so they had argued about him. She mentioned my spouse was terrified I’d discover out that just a few weeks after assembly me, she slept with this man once I was away on enterprise for every week. I don’t know why in spite of everything these years her pal determined to inform me, however she then continued to garbage my spouse. She mentioned that I didn’t know half of what went on together with her, and that she had had extra males than I might think about. Having spent a while on the cellphone destroying my spouse’s character, she went on to say that she’d had too many glasses of wine and requested me to overlook the entire dialog which, if I repeated, she would deny. She then swiftly hung up. I actually don’t know what to assume – or if I ought to say something to my spouse?




 She mentioned that my spouse had extra males than I might think about


  It received’t be straightforward however I believe you’ll have to inform your spouse what her pal revealed, just because it’s good to know the reality. It will be good to assume that her wild accusations had been as a result of she was offended. Sadly, the girl was a bit drunk and due to this fact much less guarded, so it’s doubtless there’s at the least some fact to what she mentioned. I hope your spouse will reply you actually, however it could make for painful listening. If, when she first met you, your spouse was seeing this different man earlier than deciding to commit then, as upsetting as that’s, it could be one thing you possibly can come to phrases with – particularly if she has been loyal and loving since. Be reassured that, though she had a wild previous, finally she selected you. In case your spouse has had an affair or affairs over a few years that, after all, is one other factor altogether. I think that your spouse will deny all the pieces however, after a protracted marriage, you’ll in all probability know if she is telling the reality. You may additionally contemplate ringing her pal again and asking for one more dialog – this time, hopefully, whereas she is sober. In fact, your spouse could also be cross that you simply’ve gone behind her again, however that is only a distraction from her personal guilt. Your solely motive was to assist and, if she’d been capable of speak in confidence to you about her pal, the scenario wouldn’t have arisen. That’s, in spite of everything, what companions are for – to help one another! I think about it’s going to imply the tip of their friendship however, once more, this can’t be your fault. I’m so sorry that that is all very painful for you. I’d strongly advocate counselling, both together with your spouse or alone, that will help you resolve whether or not to remain in your marriage or if an excessive amount of harm has been completed. Strive relate.org.uk or bacp.co.uk.



I don’t know why my pal dropped me 

Q   I’m 35 and final summer time determined that I needed to retrain as a midwife. This has resulted in quite a few adjustments to my life. I left my job as a retail supervisor to work as a carer and have delay shopping for a flat till I’m in my new occupation. Whereas I don’t remorse my resolution, I’ve been damage by the angle of an in depth pal and former colleague, who I’ve recognized for a number of years. She doesn’t appear to trouble any extra: my texts go unanswered for days and no effort is made to rearrange future catch-ups, although I’ve tried many occasions to get collectively. The one time we did try to satisfy, I couldn’t due to examine deadlines. My pal was livid. It appears like I’ve been dropped and I’m actually lonely. Do I lower this friendship off?





Firstly, congratulations on making the daring resolution to be a midwife – it’s such a noble profession and one which desperately wants new recruits. I’m very sorry to listen to how your pal has distanced herself. That is hurtful, particularly while you had been so shut. Sadly, typically when individuals go away jobs their former colleagues can (wrongly) see it as a rejection of them or criticism of their selections – and be offended. This isn’t due to something you’ve completed. Your pal’s response says extra about her and her insecurities than it does about you. So I’m afraid that, sure, you in all probability do have to let this friendship go as a result of your pal will not be maybe who you thought she was. It’s going to really feel like a loss, however also needs to get simpler over time. In the meantime, I hope you’ll quickly discover your individual ‘tribe’ amongst your new colleagues. See thoughts.org.uk and verywellmind.com for methods on dealing with loneliness.