If you have a problem, email Caroline at c.west-meads@mailonsunday.co.uk. Caroline reads all your letters but regrets she cannot answer each one personally

You probably have an issue, electronic mail Caroline at c.west-meads@mailonsunday.co.uk. Caroline reads all of your letters however regrets she can’t reply each personally

He’s moody, idle… and I’ve had sufficient 

Q     My husband was made redundant 11 years in the past from his put up as a center supervisor within the NHS. He assured me he would take any new job to help our two younger kids, as a result of I used to be working half time and we didn’t have sufficient to stay on. However he solely utilized for managerial roles and, whereas he obtained interviews, he was by no means provided the put up. I urged him to decrease his sights – and each time I requested how his job looking was going he obtained defensive and confrontational. He has been unemployed ever since and has refused to say any advantages to ease the monetary strain on us.

He nonetheless applies for jobs that he has no probability of getting. He gained’t even admit he’s out of labor – he truly tells individuals he’s semi-retired. On high of that, he gained’t assist out at residence – all of the cleansing and cooking is left to me. I really feel nothing however resentment and bitterness in the direction of him. Up to now I’ve instructed him if he doesn’t get a job I’ll divorce him. This simply makes him act like he’s the wounded social gathering – saying it’s not his fault, that it’s a run of dangerous luck and he’ll strive tougher. Our relationship has fully damaged down. Our son is at school and works to earn his personal cash. Worryingly, my husband has began to ask him for money. At 61, I do know there isn’t any probability of my husband altering as a result of he has not tried to up to now.




He’s unemployed however refuses to assist out round the home

 You need to have had a really powerful and lonely 11 years. It’s deeply unfair that your husband has left all of the work to you and I’m not stunned that you simply resent him. Sadly, as soon as somebody has misplaced love and respect for his or her companion to this extent, it’s unlikely that it may be rekindled. So it is advisable ask your self whether or not you wish to keep on this marriage. Do you actually wish to spend the remainder of your life with a person in the direction of whom you are feeling solely resentment and bitterness? Nevertheless, I believe your husband wants assist too, as he may very well be depressed – therefore the dangerous mood whenever you ask how his job hunt goes. It clearly damage his pleasure and sense of self-worth when he was made redundant and, sadly, he’s by no means addressed that. As a substitute, he has stored attempting for jobs with a diminishing probability of success, and grow to be caught in a rut. So whereas I believe it is advisable query whether or not you wish to save your marriage, your husband additionally wants help from different sources. Clarify to him that you simply assume he’s depressed and will see his GP. Sadly, you can’t make somebody get assist and he could refuse, however that’s his accountability. Nevertheless, do search counselling your self that can assist you determine in your future. Attempt relate.org.uk or bacp.co.uk. Your son may discover it tough to say no to his father, however it’s unacceptable that your husband asks him for cash, so please assist him to refuse.


 I am upset my daughter’s disrespect 

Q      My daughter and her husband are going to have a child boy in a couple of weeks. I hoped that she would identify him after my husband, who died 5 years in the past. He wasn’t the simplest man however labored laborious to offer for our youngsters and I really feel that she owes him that. My husband had his personal father’s identify as a center identify. Nevertheless, once I requested my daughter if she was going to do that, she instructed me that she wouldn’t. She stated that he had been chilly, distant and authoritarian, and that if I believed that he had been a great husband or father, then it was ‘time to take off’ my ‘rose-tinted spectacles’. How can I get her to see that she is being disrespectful? My son simply agrees together with his sister.



I can hear how indignant and upset you’re, however I’m afraid that I can’t agree with you. You say your self that your husband was not straightforward and your daughter’s phrases trace that he may even have been very controlling. That your son agrees together with his sister reinforces this view. I perceive this isn’t straightforward for you. Usually when somebody dies individuals bear in mind solely the great issues about them, however this enterprise of the identify has clearly introduced up some tough feelings. You maybe wish to imagine that your husband was a greater man than he truly was. Accepting the truth may very well be very painful, and you might want to speak to a counsellor or shut pal about your emotions. However please additionally speak to your kids about how they discovered life rising up – be ready to essentially hearken to what they’re saying. Please don’t let this situation get in the way in which of the joy and pleasure of getting a grandchild.