Please forgive me, a foreigner, for weighing in on the heated debate over your Prime Minister but – Donner und Blitz! – what are you thinking?
Boris Johnson is a man that has been a tremendous service to your country.
Not only did he pull off the historic achievement of Brexit but – free of the shackles of Brussels – had your doctors and healthcare workers delivering Covid jabs to the population weeks before the rest of Europe.
And having won the war on the virus, he’s now winning the peace, with Britain’s economy pulling ahead of its European competitors as we begin to shake off this dreadful pandemic.
In the circumstances, if anyone is entitled to a lengthy stay in Downing Street, it’s Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.
Boris Johnson has proven to be a great man for your country. Not only did he pull off the historic achievement of Brexit but – free of the shackles of Brussels – had your doctors and healthcare workers delivering Covid jabs to the population weeks before the rest of Europe
Instead of honoring him by naming boulevards after him and erecting monuments, you seem to be about deposing him.
I wouldn’t mind if he had nullified his earlier triumphs by throwing babies from the top of tall buildings or boasting about his love of the Bee Gees.
But he hasn’t; he’s merely admitted to spending 25 minutes in his garden when some of his thirstier colleagues had decided it was a shame to waste such a lovely day slaving over their files inside.
I think it is about time for you – and especially those whingeing infants who only got their Red Wall seats thanks to Boris – to let go of petty debates over who had a drink and nibbles where, and who paid for what wallpaper, and turn your attention to real politics.
Boris is an entertainer and has the ability to do anything. Although he may not have the money to buy a comb for his hair, it is not impossible. When it comes down to it, Boris is unrivalled as a stateman. Boris’s approach to Brussels was quite different from Thatsa May’s wet-blanket strategy and her group of nobodies.
Alongside his formidable Brexit negotiator David Frost, he wiped the floor with Michel Barnier, the EU’s smarmy chief negotiator, with a little help – it has to be said – from his German friends.
For two reasons, we Krauts were keen to see a Brexit agreement. We stood to lose much more than you because our entire business, especially the automotive industry, depends heavily on UK exports. Second, we didn’t want the EU to sever its ties with the second-biggest economy in Europe.
Yes. He did break the rules. The rest of us were following them. I understand. Fairness is a British obsession. It’s a very likeable character trait
Your people were excellent and all of us walked away with relief from this potential nightmare.
So, from an outsider’s point of view, I’ll say it again: it is inconceivable to me that Boris is at risk of being kicked out.
Yes. He did break the rules. The rest of us were following them. I understand. You Brits seem obsessed with fairness. It’s a very likeable character trait.
Boris is not to blame for his apparent violations of the rules at the peak of lockdown. These rules were forced on Boris by his circumstances at the time, the strict regulations imposed at the height of lockdown and the box-ticking mandarins who surrounded and tested him.
But in my world at least, it’s not a hanging offence to break a rule here and there. Many people who lived in No. 10 were persuaded by the strictness of the rules to break them.
Having a drink outdoors for 25 minutes is not something worth destroying anyone’s career over – let alone that of a political leader who has achieved so much.
So, from an outsider’s point of view, I’ll say it again: it is inconceivable to me that Boris is at risk of being kicked out
The gravest threat posed by the Covid crisis is no longer the virus itself but the danger of all of us turning into deputy sheriffs, ever eager to oversee the next person’s behaviour and actions.
You could please get back into the conversation about policy, ideas and visions for your country’s future. You should be more open to the eccentric.
I don’t want to make a direct comparison with Churchill, but think how long someone like Winston – with his brandies at breakfast, champagne sharpeners and non-stop cigar-smoking – would have survived in this deplorably unforgiving day and age.
As the 13th-century Catholic theologian Thomas Aquinas said: ‘Justice without mercy is cruelty.’ Have mercy on Boris, I beg of you.