Kourtney Kardashian’s relationship coach has shared her 5-step strategy for dealing with heartbreak. 

Claire Byrne is 40 years old and an author and podcaster from Santa Barbara. Claire writes for Kourtney Kardashian’s lifestyle blog Poosh and specializes helping people go through breakups. 

Claire spoke to The Independent.ie and outlined the five steps for healing after heartbreak. She said it all starts with finding love. 

Claire Byrne, pictured, is a podcaster and author from Santa Barbara who writes for Kourtney Kardashian's lifestyle site Poosh, and specializes in helping people going through breakups

Claire Byrne is a Santa Barbara podcaster and author who writes for Poosh. Claire specializes in helping those going through breakups 

1. No contact

It might be difficult to do in this age of social media, but any recovery from a breakup must begin by cutting all contact.   

‘The first step is very simple — no contact. I don’t care if you’re best friends with his or her sister now — if you want to heal and move on, then you need to unfollow your ex and all mutual friends on social media,’ she said. 

This was an extremely difficult question to ask, given the ease with which we can access our ex-partners. Some people are able to stalk them and find meaning in their posts on social media. 

However, it is important to be disciplined in order to reap the benefits. 

Claire outlined the five-step plan for truly healing and moving on after heartbreak

Claire has outlined the five steps to truly heal and move on from heartbreak. 

2. Remember the death of your relationship. 

This is why it can feel unbearable. Many people who feel heartbroken try to hurry along without taking enough time.    

‘Just let yourself grieve and let yourself consciously feel it, because that s*** will come up in other ways. It always does,’ Claire said. 

3. Take a deep breath and reflect on your journey to closure  

The third step, she said, was to gain closure. This is not done by asking your ex-partner any questions. It’s about reflecting back on the past and changing your perspective about the way it ended. 

She said, “This is where you ask yourself: How do I think and feel about the events in our relationship?” Is there anything that you can take away from this experience? 

‘You can’t undo the past but you can absolutely change your story about the past and get some clarity on it. 

4. “Fall in Love with Yourself” 

After a heartbreak coach explained that the next step was to “fall in Love with Yourself” by improving your relationships with your body and finances.  

She stated, “You need to put in this effort because you might attract the same situation in your next relationships.” 

Claire believes that our attraction to certain people is based on how we relate with ourselves. These people may not be good for us. 

5. Find someone who is better 

When you’re ready for a new relationship, you should be clear about your expectations. 

She stated that there are many signs that someone is not emotionally ready, including saying they desire a relationship but not trying to make any plans. 

She said that people are often too involved in relationships to notice the signs they partner is not emotional available. However, it’s easy to see these signs, including a lack or engagement and late-night texting. 

Move on from an abusive emotional relationship  

Claire stated that an abusive relationship can be very damaging. It takes control of one’s self-worth and is very dangerous.  

She stated that people in recovery from abuse relationships don’t just get over the ex-partners. They are also healing from the manipulation and abuse suffered by them and from living a lie. 

It is very easy to be seduced into an abusive marriage, she said. She said that it was possible to alter the story of an abusive relationship and make it clear it will not dictate your future love life.

One of her techniques with clients, she said – as well as using on herself – was to imagine a future version for them in order to achieve results. 

She is now happily married and successful because of the things she’s experienced in her past.