You can yell at your dog for taking a piece of pork off your plate, but more often it will just curl up and grumble for you to be kind. An especially cocky pet will do the opposite. It will wag its tail, go ‘bow-wow-wow’ and generally behave like it couldn’t care less.
Boris Johnson is the latter. You can pound the Prime Minister any time you want, but he won’t stop shaking his hairy mane before daring to give you another chance.
In many ways this is his greatest asset. It will also almost certainly be his demise.
His performance at PMQs yesterday, following a rebellion of 100 of his own MPs against his Plan B measures announced last week, should by all accounts have been a tail-between-the-legs display of contrition.
He continued on his way, as if nothing had happened the previous day.
Boris Johnson’s performance at PMQs yesterday, following a rebellion of 100 of his own MPs against his Plan B measures announced last week, should by all accounts have been a tail-between-the-legs display of contrition
A man who had fallen into the Christmas recess bleeding and battered was shocked to find that he looked so happy in recent weeks.
Contrary to popular belief, the backbenchers were mutinous and cheered his arrival. When the chips were low, they never did it for Theresa May. It was almost as if the pub bore just walked in to the chamber looking for the closest ear to chew.
Sir Keir Starmer, who was predictably full of self hovered opposite. He harped on about Boris lacking ‘moral authority’ and being ‘the worst possible Prime Minister at the worst possible time’.
Labour MPs were happy and cheered. Angela Rayner, deputy leader of Labour MPs was the exception. Starmer and Starmer did little more than exchange glances throughout the session.
How Sir Smartypants revelled in the PM’s weakened position. His leadership was a big part of this.
It could easily be argued Labour’s current good fortunes owe more to revelations in the Press about lockdown parties and the Prime Minister’s expensive wallpaper.
Sir Keir Starmer was a hovering opposite, unpredictably full of self. He harped on about Boris lacking ‘moral authority’ and being ‘the worst possible Prime Minister at the worst possible time’
After the previous evening’s shenanigans some Westminster watchers had wondered whether Boris would make it out of the chamber without the clerks having to summon stretcher bearers yesterday. He had found a little bit of snap.
He dismissed partygate as ‘partisan trivia’. He brushed off Tuesday’s revolt as though it were a lovers’ tiff. He boasted about the successful vaccine rollout, and attack Labour for failing to reduce lockdown restrictions in July.
Having dug a dagger into his back only hours previously, the Tories were now crying out for more – and relishing every moment.
Ian Blackford spoke and was met with many groans. ‘It’s not a pantomime you know,’ Blackford snarled.
‘Oh yes it is!’ the mob chorused.
Blackford claimed that he would increase financial support to help Scottish business owners who are facing new restrictions.
He was full of the can-do Scottish Nationalist bombast and demanded that the Government pay for it.
Boris advised Mr Blackford to acquire a bigger waistcoat ‘to contain the synthetic indignation’.
Scottish National Party Westminster leader Ian Blackford claimed that he would increase financial support to Scottish companies affected by new restrictions
He also revealed that his behind-the scenes relations with Blackford were much more friendly than what the SNP Westminster leader would like us to believe. That will be something Blackford would have detested.
Boris left the chamber as he did so for the last time in 2011. Foreign Secretary Liz Truss was wearing a striking maroon trousersuit and Priti Patel in fetching fuchsia.
Rishi Sunak was the apparent heir and there wasn’t any sign.
There’s life in old dog Boris yet, but for the time being the vultures are still circling.