As she prepares to turn 40 next weekend, the Duchess of Cambridge knows that by her next landmark birthday, she’ll have become the Princess of Wales — a title that’s lain dormant since the death of Diana, the mother-in-law she never met.
Her apprenticeship to become the future Queen was slow, as is everything in relation to the Royal Family. Some might say it was too slow. Kate is a sharp observer of the unflustered royal ways and has refused to hurry.
Of course, our monarchy has one immutable strength: it rejects modern fashion trends.
Kate also brings another uncompromising value to the Royal Family: The Middletons’ method of doing things. Stable and steady, but not flashy. These principles have steeled her to deal with life in the public eye — and, crucially, to handle the toxic fall-out of Prince Harry and Meghan’s break from the family.
To mark the duchess’s birthday, I have talked to many of those closest to her — some agreeing to speak for the first time — about how she has, at long last, come into her own and is blooming, both professionally and personally.
Rebecca Priestley (nee Deacon), her private secretary, recalls how Kate and William approached the difficult task of living a life of public service as if it were an ‘unfinished piece of paper.
Tune: In tune: A royal carol concert by the duchess last month
The three of them were all in Anglesey, where they had decided to spend the first year of their married life. William was a RAF Search and Rescue pilot.
Rebecca describes the conversation and says, “I said to Rebecca: “Right. What next?” The philanthropic community is right at your fingertips. It is possible to get involved in many causes.
‘Catherine [as William prefers her to be known]It was evident that she had put much thought into the project and stated clearly that listening and learning were her main priorities.
William for his part insisted on William’s bride taking her time.
Another of the couple’s collaborators told me: ‘And that’s exactly what she has done — with William as her guide. He advised her to start slowly, and that it was up to you to figure out what you would like to accomplish.
“He might not shout loudly from the rooftops about equality but theirs truly is a partnership.”
Some people were frustrated by the cautious attitude of the duchess, which was unfairly called the Duchess Of Dolittle.
While the Royal Family had long waited for an attractive, young member, Kate knew it wouldn’t be wise to assume that role. Instead she took on more of the Queen Mother’s’steel marshmallow character.
Pictured: Meghan and I on the Buckingham Palace balcony, 2019
Rebecca Priestley says that Catherine wanted to feel the pressure of her new job and face the unknowns ahead.
She wanted to know. She saw many people private to understand her issues.
“These were decisions that she made throughout her entire life. When she spoke, she wanted credibility. It takes great character strength to be credible when speaking.
This approach — refusing to buy into her overnight popularity — has stood her in good stead. Her work has been characterized by a simple vision that is clear to the public. She focuses on key issues such as the promotion of sport and arts, helping children with disabilities, and protecting the rights of young people.
Heads Together — the mental health campaign fronted by William, Harry and Kate — was her idea. A friend of hers says, “Not that she would ever become so self-absorbed as tell you this.”
Her Early Years Initiative, which focuses on how early experiences can impact later-life issues such as addiction or social exclusion, is also a close favorite.
They share a close bond.
Rebecca said: “It was wonderful to watch Catherine accomplish what she wanted, and it’s even more powerful because that is something it is so real.” Because of her intervention, mental health and early years are being discussed more freely.
This isn’t to say Kate has had a smooth ride in royal life. Initially, there was a definite sense of ‘defensiveness’ towards the newcomer from the other royal households — particularly Clarence House. William did not enjoy the most harmonious relationships with his father during this time.
Camilla and Charles loved their new daughter in law, so Camilla gifted her a sterling bracelet with two letters “Cs” as a welcome gift. There was also a bit of professional envy in their home due to Kate’s growing popularity.
There was never a precedent for this delicate dynamic. Charles, 62 years old, was still years away from being king. There was also a concern in certain quarters about Charles’s glamour, which was making him seem irrelevant.
Photo: Queen, Prince Charles and Kate.
One courtier said to me that the coordination required for three generations to work together was difficult.
This was a frustrating situation for the duchess who, as a newly arrived member of her family, was determined to be able to work as part of the team.
But tensions persisted. According to the courtier, it was difficult to achieve the perfect balance.
In 2015, Kate was about to give birth in May Bank Holiday Weekend. William informed Charles and Camilla that they would not be able to visit the baby until then.
However, two days later staff discovered that Kate and her parents were leaving their Berkshire home in order to go see Princess Charlotte at Kensington Palace.
Charles became disoriented and was forced to run a long, exhausting journey from Highgrove to meet his granddaughter.
Pictured: Kate’s parents Carole & Michael with her sister Pippa, at the Westminster Abbey community Carol service on Sunday 8 December
It was over six years ago. Now, the situation seems much less stressful.
Sources say that family relations have improved and that everyone seems to be moving in the same direction.
Charles, in fact, is extremely proud of his daughter-in law’s public performance.
Kate’s calm determination to “keep the show on the road” has impressed other Royal Family members.
Most importantly, she has nothing but admiration and comfort for the queen. Prince Philip was also a particular source of support for Kate — often writing her ‘very warm and loving’ letters.
He was a great role model for her, as she’d already lost her parents.
Although Philip was well-known for sending letters within the family, he showed a special concern towards Catherine. According to a family source, he helped Catherine understand the importance of royal service and provided valuable advice.
Charles is proud to be a father-in-law of Camilla and how she has managed her public roles. Photographed by Charles and Camilla
“They had a lot to do in Norfolk, and she looked up tremendously to him.
A source says that Kate has had to manage three small children while also fulfilling many public duties. “She’ll be first to acknowledge how fortunate she is to have the support of her nanny.
“But it’s difficult emotionally to go from being a mom, worried if the child is sick, or having a great day at nursery, and becoming a celebrity figure shining at an evening reception. She is a mother to her children.
Multiple people have informed me that Kate was a first-time mom and struggled with the transition of having to drop her child off at the nursery. She then had to race to London to get to meetings, as well as to go to official functions, such as state dinners.
William flew air ambulance in Norfolk and often left his home at 5:30 a.m.
Following several “upsetting” encounters, Catherine was worried about the safety of their kids from paparazzi. A friend says that Catherine was not one to quit and decided she and William had to do more work at creating a balance in their lives.
Kate was initially unable to adjust to the changes of dropping off her baby at nursery, and then running to London to meet up with officials or attend state functions like dinners. Pictured is Prince William during his 2015 East Anglian Air Ambulance’s first day.
They have a housekeeper and their nanny to help them. Kate, however is a very hands-on mom and likes to organize things.
Catherine will often get her hair done before the evening events so that she has time to finish her work while the kids eat dinner.
Her attitude was always “we’ll just make it work”.
She has more self-confidence today. [during the planning process]Say: “No, it is too much” ‘
Even though her job is lonely, Kate found a friend in Prince Edward’s spouse, Sophie Wessex.
She is 17 years younger than she, and the countess has been a friend and confidante for her entire life. According to me, they both contacted Meghan repeatedly after Meghan first mentioned her unhappy feelings in 2019.
Although it can be difficult for Kate to do her job, Prince Edward has provided a support system in the form of Sophie Wessex, his wife (pictured)
However, both Sophie and Kate were apparently’rebuffed.
Kate and William are clearly upset by Harry’s and Meghan’s bitter exit from the Royal Family and multiple attacks against it.
The duchess has been accused by some in the Sussex camp of being ‘cool’ towards Meghan — an accusation those close to her vehemently deny.
They are all unique individuals with very little in common. According to one of my friends, Catherine wanted Harry to be happy so she thought Meghan was very open to her.
In the lead-up to Harry’s and Meghan’s wedding, much has been said about the “row” between the two ladies during a bridesmaids fitting.
According to the Queen, memories of what made someone cry may differ. According to my reliable sources, the story that Meghan’s behavior towards Charlotte, Kate’s child, may have prompted the disagreement is “broadly true”.
The duchess has been accused by some in the Sussex camp of being ‘cool’ towards Meghan — an accusation those close to her vehemently deny. Pictured: Kate attending a Westminster Abbey carol service on December 8.
However, it is unbelievable that Kate, who is notoriously secretive, tried to get details of the incident out to the media. There were actually a lot of witnesses. It is Kate’s maxim to avoid family disputes.
According to a reliable source, she treated the entire issue as if she were supporting her husband, who was angry about some things being said, but was mostly consumed by sadness over what was going on with her brother.
“Charlotte was acutely aware of William’s distress and focused on Catherine to support him. She also made sure their couple never did anything against their core values.
An indication of some (heavily debunked) claims that Meghan had mistreated Palace staff, Meghan used the word “values”. According to me, Catherine was really focused on the treatment of William and Meghan’s staff.
According to sources, Meghan is still adamant that Kate was cold and not supportive, according to them.
“All I can tell you is that she has never had anyone work for her.” [Kate]”My source refutes the claim that he has seen evidence to support this assertion.”
“But is it surprising, that even in such dire family circumstances, she decided to make her own husband her priority?”
William, her partner in all things is the most important thing.
Sources say that he will fly off the handle whenever Kate is patronized. He stamps this out extremely quickly. This is one of his triggers. There have been many great ideas over the years for her. But if these are presented to him in a negative way they will be ignored.
They are close friends in private and spend very little time apart except when they’re working.
William, above all, is her partner and in everything. Pictured are William, Kate and Charles.
And on the occasions I’ve spoken to him over the years, William has always been far keener to speak about his wife’s achievements — praising the hours she puts in for the organisations of which she is a patron — than his own.
They share a deep level of intimacy. They make all major decisions together. After the agreement of each, they can approve their diaries.
The duchess of Cambridge is working hard on long-term projects to show more of her vision and creativity as we start a new year.
Rebecca Priestley said that Catherine has strong and very intuitive instincts. She is able to identify what’s important and make an impact.
Kate has maintained her core values throughout the years thanks to her Middleton heritage and her deep love for William. However, her self-confidence to define and take on the royal role she chooses has increased.
At 40 years old, Her Majesty had been sitting on the throne since 1994. Kate’s milestone birthday represents another step in her path to being queen.