After admitting that she was unable to provide the same life for her children, a mother struck a chord among parents.
Taking to the British parenting forum Mumsnet, the unnamed woman said that she grew up in a big house and that her parents were able to pay for private education as well as family holidays after ‘becoming upper middle class’.
According to her, despite having a good career and her husband being a professional, she and her husband are not able to afford the same privileges and they don’t see themselves in that position.
Others admitted that they have struggled to provide the same opportunities for their children as they did growing up due to the economic changes. Some argued that kids cannot miss what they don’t have and that love is far more important than materialistic possessions.
Mumsnet, a British parenting forum, was approached by a mother to share her embarrassment at not being able give her children the same life she had growing up. Stock image
A lengthy blog post was written by the mother, admitting she is guilty of not being in a position to buy a large house and private school.
When she asked for other parents’ experiences, she replied: “My parents come from humble beginnings, but they were able to work hard, be intelligent, and have a lot of luck. After buying their first house in the crash market, their parents became an upper middle class family. This allowed them to give my siblings and me a private school, huge houses, incredible holidays, and any extra curricular activities that we needed.
“My mom worked part-time so that we could spend time together, and my dad was extremely hands-on at weekends.
“I’ve worked hard and done well in school. I have a good career. My husband and I are similar. We are not bankers, but we both have jobs and do okay at our respective professions. I have the same background as his family and we share similar visions for how our children should live (similarly to our childhood). But for some reason, we just can’t see ourselves being able to afford the same things as our parents did.’
The mother explained that they aren’t struggling for basic necessities and are aware they a luckier than most other families, continuing: ‘I don’t see us ever affording private school and although we can afford an ok house, it will be nothing like the properties our parents managed to have.
‘We both work full time as well, whereas DH’s mum didn’t work and my mum only worked part time.
According to the mother, she is ‘depressed’ that her children are not getting better care than previous generations.
“I understand that a lot of it is due to our economic situation (especially the unlucky purchase of a home and the rising costs of private school tuition), but I feel terrible about not being able give my children the same opportunities as we did growing up. I’m also embarrassed about it tbh – I never saw myself being in this position, yet here I am!
“Anyone else have faced something similar?” I believe that all generations are better off than the previous and feel so sad about being worse.
Many people who responded to this thread said that it was difficult to accept the fact that their children don’t have the same opportunities as they did growing up.
One individual wrote that it is depressing to see hard work not being recognized as well as in previous generations. You can accomplish everything right – such as being a good student, attending university and getting a career.
‘At the end of all that, a lot of us are still in extortionate private rented properties with £30,000 of student debt. Exorbitant rent means that many can’t afford to purchase. If you live in London, and are a banker or some other type of job, the wages aren’t very high. It’s so s***. This is not fair. I cringe to imagine what the future will look like when I reach retirement age, which I assume will continue increasing.
One other person said, “I feel exactly like that.” It doesn’t matter if I have two cars or a large house. However, I care deeply about education. It’s not possible to send your child to private school.
A number of people who responded to this post said that they have struggled to give their kids the same life they lived as growing up.
The cost of homes is so high that only parents with very well-paid jobs or parental assistance can afford them. This is a majority of people who go to private schools. Although I’m a great worker, it is not the kind of job that will pay the school fees.
“It’s very sad that this is how it is. Perhaps it is the Tory government, but social mobility appears to be back-peddling. My father was born on a council estate and became a partner in a well-known global surveying firm. This was possible after he graduated from high school aged 16 and continued his apprenticeship. It’s impossible to continue this journey now.
My children are going to be much less fortunate than I was. It makes me feel bad that I did not make the right career choices. I would rather have thought less about money, and had a more serious outlook on life.
Other people urged her to not compare her childhood with the life she has created for her children. They tried to assure her that it doesn’t really matter what material things are.
Someone wrote, “You seem like you are doing very well.” Your children may also inherit a significant inheritance. Kids need to be loved, supported, understood, and have fun.
Others responded to this thread, arguing that children do not need materialistic items and that the mother can project her unhappy feelings onto the children
They don’t have to go to private school, live in a big house, or take expensive vacations abroad. This is something I can attest to as someone who has never traveled abroad before and now loves it. You can stop comparing yourself with your parents, and have fun with them. They won’t worry about anything you’re worrying about.
“You make yourself sound very materialistic and snobby if you believe that a private school, big home and international holidays are the best ways to have a happy childhood. This is what a lot people believe nowadays, so it’s no wonder that many suffer from mental disorders.
The third said: “The most important thing in life is your kids love you.” Wishing for more than a roof to cover our heads or food in the pantry is not materialistic. Your children won’t be happy for them. Your negative outlook and unhappy feelings will be projected onto your kids and you’ll teach them that money is not the only thing that can bring happiness.