A psychotherapist has explained the four stages an abusive relationship – from the idolisation part where you’re ‘lured into a false sense of security’ to ‘hoovering’ you to ‘see if you can still be manipulated’.
London-based Stina Sanders appeared on This Morning today to break down the meaning of gaslighting and the stages of the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle, the pattern which many abusers apparently follow.
Stina, who is also a lifestyle blogger, previously had her own ‘dream relationship’ turn sour after her partner became abusive towards her.
Stina Sanders, London-based (pictured), appeared today on This Morning to explain the significance of gaslighting as well as the stages of Narcissistic Abuse Cycle. This is the cycle that many abusers seem to follow.
Explaining some of the signs of an abusive relationship from her book Not The One: A Woman’s Guide To Identifying Red Flags, Stina said: ‘So when you get into an abusive relationship, it’s very unlikely that the abuse starts straight away, so there’s actually a pattern that abusers follow, it’s called the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle.
“So they idolize you at the beginning. That’s where you are loved bombed, and they place you on a pedestal. You feel great. It’s easy to fall in love quickly and be lulled into false safety.
“Once they’ve got you, then it moves to the devalue phase, where belittling and gaslighting will begin.
Stina stated, “They chip away, you become an shell of yourself.
Stina, pictured, is also a lifestyle blogger. Her ‘dream’ relationship turned sour when her ex-partner became violent towards her.
“The third stage is called the throw away stage. They will then abandon you feeling extremely upset and confused after they are done manipulating you.
“The hoover stage” is the final stage. It doesn’t always occur, but the abuser will come back to try to get more.
Stina further explained that gaslighting can be used by abusers to make you question yourself.
Stina (pictured) also explained that gaslighting is a ‘manipulation tactic’ that ‘abusers use to basically get you to doubt yourself’
Elle added, “For example, you might notice your abuser lying or have proof of it. You can say that you caught them lying and get a reply that says “no.” You’re insane, I didn’t say that. That’s gaslighting.
‘It makes you doubt your sense of reality,’ explained the psychotherapist.
Stina lived with her abusive boyfriend (whom she had previously refused the name of but who was referred to by as Adam) for one year and half. At first, she thought that she’d finally found her man.
He soon became violent and Stina left him, rumours claiming he was unfaithful.