Are you still lusting after an ex-partner, even though the relationship has ended? Here’s one expert’s guide to getting over an old flame for good…
Relationship guru Tina Wilson, founder of global dating app Wingman, has shared her tips on how to forget a former love.
Femail is given the following tips by her: Enjoy a pamper day or shopping spree to lift your spirits and resist the temptation to drink the pain away…which can leave you with nothing but an empty stomach.
And if you want to successfully move on to better things, you should avoid stalking your ex’s socials at all cost, face reality of life without them and keep yourself busy to ensure you don’t dwell.
It is better to have one confidante than to go on endlessly about your breakup with your ex, to anyone who will listen.
Tina Wilson, founder of Wingman’s global dating app, shares her advice on how to get over your ex. Image from Stock
1. DON’T SWEAR OFF FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS
Tina suggests that you keep your faith in the possibility of a new partnership to help you move forward.
‘By swearing off all future relationships, you are only hurting yourself by limiting your chances of meeting your dream match. Don’t repeat previous relationship patterns if they never work for you too,’ she adds.
She explains that while your ex continues to live their “best” life post-breakup and not think about you, it is letting you down in the future.
According to the expert, “sweetest revenge” is your happiness.
“Stay true and honest with yourself. Don’t let the experience stop you from dating or potentially meeting new people.
2. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT CYBER STALKING AN EX, EVEN ONCE!
Although it is tempting to grab your phone and look at ex-partners Instagram, Twitter, etc., this should be avoided.
Tina said, “This isn’t healthy. You will be unable to move on.”
‘It is normal to feel conditioned to see what they are up to but they are not your partner anymore so by “checking in” on them from afar, you’ll only continue the cycle of feelings you have for them.’
Social media stalking of your ex is a bad habit that you should avoid. You will be able to cause damage by this destructive behavior. For example, you won’t be able to stop yourself from comparing yourself to their life now and becoming obsessed with their new relationships.’
Tina says that it is detrimental to self-esteem to compare your life with your ex and their new partner.
“As a singleton, you desire to feel confident and empowered. Cyber stalking an ex is not a good idea.
Experts say that the best thing to do to reduce the temptation to stalk an ex on their social networks is to not spend as much time using them. Tina says that if you’re having trouble sleeping, hiding or deleting your ex might help to end the temptation.
3. ASK FOR REALITY: KEEP ACTIVE
Tina recommends that you not romanticize your past relationship or let go of fantasies about what might have been.
Keep reminding yourself that this is not true, so you’re not daydreaming about an ex-partner who isn’t real.
‘You are imagining your “dream lover” and that is not your ex – otherwise you’d still be together.’
Her advice is to keep these facts in mind until you have met the perfect person.
It is important to end fantasies by breaking them. You can keep busy with friends by organizing a fun trip or a hobby that keeps your mind active.
She said, “Once your fantasizing stops about them, then you can enjoy life and be open to many possibilities.”
“Fantasy lives are not real life.” Focus on the present and the happiness you can get from spending time with your family and laughing with friends. Your precious time is wasted on fantasy.
4. GET ON A DATING APP
Tina suggests that while dating someone else might not be something you would want, it is crucial to get back in the game as soon as possible.
According to the expert, it can be both a positive and fun experience. It is also spontaneous.
“Light-hearted flirting, banter and a bit of self-confidence will go a long way in improving your self-esteem and spirit,” she said.
This could also be helpful in moving you forward faster so that you can start dating seriously.
5. DON’T DRINK AWAY YOUR EMOTIONS
Tina Wilson (pictured) says that you shouldn’t follow your ex via social media.
Tina says that even though movies such as Bridget Jones’s Diary are popularizing the belief that wine can solve every problem, Tina insists you should never reach for the bottle if your heart is longing for an ex.
She says, “Firstly, it almost guarantees that you’ll think of or text them or call them.”
“If there are issues that you still feel needing to be resolved or you just have too many, it is not a good idea to make a sudden phone call and say them unannounced.
“It will only exaggerate the feelings you have and make it harder for you to love your ex.
It is also important to evaluate whether talking to your ex partner will be a good idea because of how much you love them, or because it makes you feel rejected.
She says, “This is possible only with a clear mind and most people get emotional after drinking so it’s important not to cloud you mind until they feel over you.”
“You must focus more on your health than anything that can cause self-destruction like excessive drinking and partying.”
6. START A SHOPPING SPREE
Tina says pampering yourself can be one of the best ways to boost confidence and cheer yourself up.
“Post-breakup, you must feel confident and attractive. You don’t have to feel guilty about spending money on cosmetics or a new outfit.
Expert says that retail therapy is a great way to get your thoughts off your ex.
Your confidence can be boosted by a new appearance. Although set yourself a comfortable limit so you don’t excessively spend and you can enjoy what you’ve purchased.’
7. PICK ONE FRIEND FOR CONFIDE IN
The expert says that no one likes to gossip about their ex.
Talking about a split with someone you know could cause you to lose your friends.
Tina states, “It’s a smart move to choose one friend to discuss things with you to help heal.” They will support you as you grieve for your ex-partner and guide you through your feelings.
Experts suggest it allows you to have fun with your friends and not get too involved in the topic of your split-up.
She adds that “Your friends will also have been there” but will recognize the need to move on and discuss other matters.
8. Write down your feelings
A letter is not a good way to convey your thoughts and feelings.
This process can help you end a relationship that was not meant for you and allow your mind and heart to open up and move forward. This is a proven helpful tool to get your emotions out there without having to constantly rely on a friend’s ear,’ Tina says.