Plans for the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee bash have simply been launched. Highlights embody a nationwide Bake Off- type contest, chaired by Mary Berry, to decide on a commemorative pudding.
The anniversary celebrations might be unfold over the financial institution vacation weekend in June. Organisers are nonetheless finalising the programme, which can goal to showcase all that’s finest about fashionable Britain.
We’re promised the four-day occasion will surpass even the spectacular Diamond Jubilee in 2012.
It’s hoped that by early summer time, the coronavirus pandemic might be over and life could have returned to regular.
However within the unlikely occasion of that ever occurring, contingencies are being put in place to make the celebrations Covid-secure, simply in case one other variant emerges between now and June.
Right here’s what we are able to sit up for . . .
Queen Elizabeth II will rejoice her Platinum Jubilee with a particular Financial institution Vacation in June
Thursday, June 2
Her Majesty proclaims a particular Platinum Jubilee Honours Record. Three of the so-called Colston 4 — Jake Skuse, Milo Ponsford and Sage Willoughby — are knighted for companies to statue toppling. The fourth, Rhian Graham, is made a Dame.
Extra from Richard Littlejohn for the Day by day Mail…
After the investiture at Buckingham Palace, the Queen attends a BYOB (Deliver Your Personal Bottle) cheese and wine occasion within the again backyard at Quantity 10 Downing Avenue, hosted by the Prime Minister.
She is because of journey within the horse-drawn Jubilee Coach. However this proves inconceivable since The Mall has been became a cycle-only lane, so she is pressured to make use of an e-scooter.
On the quick journey, she survives an assault by a brown bear, which has lately been relocated to St James’s Park as a part of the Authorities’s bold rewilding programme. The bear is tasered by a member of her shut safety element.
Within the afternoon, the Queen strikes on to Wellington Barracks, the place Prince Andrew is to be stripped of the final of his ceremonial army titles, following the success of Virginia Giuffre’s multi-million-dollar civil swimsuit in New York.
That night, she is visitor of honour on the first evening of the Royal Movie Competition on the Odeon, Leicester Sq..
Tonight’s premiere is the much-anticipated catastrophe film, The Northern Eire Protocol, based mostly on the apocalyptic novel by Sir Frederick Forsyth.
Friday, June 3
To mark one of the vital celebrated occasions of her 70-year reign, Her Majesty graciously unveils a brand new statue by Damien Hirst in Argyle Sq., King’s Cross — The Headless Man.
She had meant to take the Royal Prepare north to a Jubilee Pageant in Bradford, however all companies are cancelled as a result of 90 per cent of GNER employees are self-isolating after testing constructive for the brand new Platinum variant.
It’s hoped that by early summer time, the coronavirus pandemic might be over and life could have returned to regular in time for the prolonged Financial institution Vacation weekend
As a substitute, she hails an Uber to the Met Police school at Hendon the place she watches recruits practise Taking The Knee. On the best way again to Buckingham Palace, Her Maj decides to make an unscheduled cease at an NHS hospital to personally thank employees for all their exhausting work through the Covid emergency.
She arrives unannounced at A&E, solely to be saved ready for five-and-a-half hours behind a fleet of ambulances backed up within the automotive park. Her Maj decides to chop her schedule quick and returns to her condo to pour herself a big Glenhoddle and put her toes up in entrance of the Bake Off problem on TV.
After exhaustive debate, Mary Berry and her panel of judges determine that the pudding which finest represents fashionable Britain is a packet of Hobnobs. The winner calls her creation Working From House.
Saturday, June 4
Her Maj is upset to study that the particular Platinum Jubilee race assembly at Royal Ascot has been cancelled following a suspected Covid outbreak. The jockeys have all examined adverse however somebody heard a horse sneeze within the stables in a single day.
Having deserted plans to examine what’s left of the Royal Navy at Spithead, she journeys as an alternative to Dover to examine the flotilla of dinghies arriving of their a whole bunch on the Kent coast.
As a part of the Platinum Jubilee celebrations, the Authorities has introduced a blanket amnesty for all unlawful immigrants, asylum seekers and overseas criminals combating deportation. So no change there, then.
Across the nation, avenue events are stepping into full swing, however provided that revellers agree to watch social distancing laws and put on masks always. In Derbyshire, a 75-year-old lady in a Union Jack bowler hat is arrested for ingesting espresso and consuming a slice of Victoria sponge, after being noticed by a police drone standing lower than two metres from her pal.
As a part of the Platinum Jubilee celebrations, the Authorities has introduced a blanket amnesty for all unlawful immigrants, asylum seekers and overseas criminals combating deportation. So no change there, then
Coming back from Kent, Her Majesty finds Westminster Bridge blocked by Insulate Britain protesters and skateboarding cops.
With that evening’s deliberate lobster and foie gras banquet at Mansion Home cancelled on the final minute, she retires early with a light-weight supper offered by Pizza Specific, Woking.
Sunday, June 5
According to the frantic sprint to satisfy Web Zero targets, the Authorities has scrapped plans to plant 60,000 new timber. Her Maj travels to Windsor Nice Park, the place she chops down a 1,000-year-old oak to make approach for a brand new wind farm.
Throughout an interview with the BBC’s Dame Emily Maitlis, the Queen is pressured to disclaim she should promote Sandringham and absorb washing to assist pay Prince Andrew’s authorized payments.
Throughout an interview with the BBC’s Dame Emily Maitlis, the Queen is pressured to disclaim she should promote Sandringham and absorb washing to assist pay Prince Andrew’s authorized payments
She suffers one other setback when her plans to spend the remainder of the summer time at Balmoral should be deserted as a result of Wee Burney has closed the border ‘because of Covid’. Prince Charles has already been banned from Wales, which is as soon as once more in full lockdown for no good purpose.
After a swift half and a Scotch egg within the Pink Lion, Whitehall, it’s off to Horse Guards Parade for a march previous by the Third Battalion Black Lives Matter regiment, adopted by a 21-gun drive-by salute from the Albanian mafia, accompanied by the band of the Provisional IRA.
In Hyde Park, the Queen takes delight of place on the re-enactment of one of the vital well-known battles of her reign, the punch-up between Trans activists and Terfs at Audio system’ Nook.
The crowning occasion of the weekend is an open-air live performance that includes Sir Ashley Banjo BLM and Variety reprising their well-known dance commemorating the demise of George Floyd.
Her Maj steps ahead with a flaming torch and lights an enormous Jubilee bonfire, topped by effigies of the Duke and Duchess of Markle.
And because the wind drops and the lights exit throughout Britain, Sir Johnny Rotten leads an ecstatic, mask-wearing crowd in a rousing rendition of the nationwide anthem:
God Save The Queen . . .