The The role of special advisor is an obscure one in politics. It’s likely that the majority of people do not even realize this job exists.
They assume – not entirely unreasonably – that the MPs and Ministers we elect to run the country are, for the most part, the architects of their own ideas and policies.
That is partially true. The Government’s direction and strategy is decided by elected members.
But when it comes to the details, the nitty-gritty, the day-to-day micro-decisions that make up the overall picture, it’s the unelected special advisers – aka Spads – who really matter.
They remind me of Dobby, the Harry Potter house elf. Although physically very different – house elves are small, wizened creatures, whereas Spads are generally absurdly young and good-looking, with shiny first-class degrees and slim-fit shirts that show off their toned abs – in every other respect they fit the profile perfectly.
Liam Booth Smith (pictured with Rishi Sonak), the Chief of Staff to the Chancellor, was accused last week of briefing the Prime Minister to get his favor.
Intensely tribal, not afraid to get their hands dirty and always on hand, night or day, to do their master’s – or mistress’s – bidding.
Their duties include arranging Ministers’ clothing shopping, recommending hairdressers and popping into the shops to get emergency tights. They also order Deliveroo.
They are able to write speeches and broker deals. They, unlike civil servants are on the side with the Minister.
They can be charming and friendly creatures that are eager to please, happy to share their company, and they make a great team. However, if they are not treated well or are bosses, then they quickly gravitate towards the dark arts.
Uniquely skilled – often surprisingly so given their tender age – they can perform feats of magic no one quite understands, but which invariably result in their enemies having a very unpleasant time of it indeed.
The last week was a perfect example. Liam Booth Smith, the Chief of Staff of the Chancellor (aka the top Spad), has been charged with briefing the Prime Minister to get his favor.
Booth-Smith, it was claimed was behind the tweet of BBC Political Editor Laura Kuenssberg that said: “There is a lot concern within the building regarding the PM. It is just not working.
The Treasury has been denying that Booth Smith was there, despite the fact that he was an appointment of Dominic Cummings (former houseelf in chief and most mischievous among them)
It is not uncommon for spads to lose the plot after their employers achieve power. It happened to Tony Blair and Alastair Campbell– and, of course, to Boris Johnson (pictured) and Dominic Cummings
This type of behavior is, in fact, true to form. It doesn’t surprise us at all, after my years of experience with Spads and the gladiatorial, feverish atmosphere among these Westminster demigods.
Spads know that they aren’t just in it to embarrass their bosses. Spaddery is an easy way to get power. This is the kind of power that doesn’t require accountability or carries any responsibility.
Their Minister’s status will increase their power. People notice them and invites start to come to them. Doors that had been locked are now open to them. They become the conduit for influence – an intoxicating notion for anyone.
This is how they lose their way when their bosses finally win power. They are not bound by civil servant codes of conduct, although technically they must follow them.
It happened to Tony Blair and Alastair Campbell, to David Cameron and Steve Hilton – and, of course, to Boris Johnson and Dominic Cummings.
For the majority of the country, it isn’t only entertaining, but also very counterproductive.
Spads are not negotiable in government business, but it is time to reign Dobby in.
This makes me bad, but I find it a great joy to know that vegan foods have higher salt levels than the ‘evil’ versions of meat.
I don’t mind what people eat – but vegan evangelists can be awfully smug. It might put them down. This should last for three seconds.
Ask psychologists for a psychological test that will determine whether or not your cat has a personality disorder. Next?
Here’s a quiz that will help you determine whether the Pope is inclined to be Catholic.
SEND SOME MATERIAL GIRLS
Madonna might be more at home with OnlyFans’ content creators, judging by her recent Instagram images of her breasts and buttocks during various stages of surgery enhancement.
Madonna might be more at ease with OnlyFans’ ‘content creators’, judging by her latest Instagram photos
Claudia Webbe, MP for the Channels, blames ‘Western Imperialalism and Vile Bigotry’. She also claims that Britain is in a ‘crisis with humanity’.
This is a statement from a woman who was convicted for harassing her friend with abusive telephone calls. She also accused her of calling her’slag’, and threatened to kill her with acid.
They say that irony is dead.
Aren’t you amazed at the extremes companies go to in an effort to maximize profit?
A team of researchers found supermarket trolleys with handles at the side – like a wheelbarrow – make us spend 25 per cent more than the traditional ones.
This has to do our triceps for pushing, and our biceps are lifting muscles.
They may be able to solve my mystery about why the wheel is always on the wrong side of the cart, however they won’t know the answer.
Omicron sounds like an abominable Marvel superhero or giant prehistoric sea monster.
Or, they are having a great time at WHO and trying to make you feel more dreadful. You could do both.
AFFECT THE UNFIT BLOB
Simon Case, head of Civil Service has stated the impossible: Whitehall officials lack the experience and skills to tackle the nation’s most difficult problems.
Of course, Ministers have been saying this about civil servants for years – think of John Reid in 2006 declaring the Home Office ‘unfit for purpose’.
It is remarkable that Case, a man of his stature, would admit to the problem openly.
But I doubt that the Blob will be tolerant of his candour. Simon, please send me your postal address and I will send one of my spare Tin Hats to you.
Richard Madeley says he’s “gutted” not being able to go back to Gwrych Castle for his I’m A Celebrity adventure. Seriously?
Richard Madeley claimed that he’s too ‘gutted’ to not be able return to Gwrych Castle in order to carry on I’m A Celebrity. No more eating fried squirrel for dinner – and he still gets his £200,000 fee?
No more diving face-first into fish guts or eating fried squirrel for dinner – and he still gets his £200,000 fee? I don’t know if he is a fool, but it seems like he was blindsided.
DANGER BEHIND THE HUMANE BILL
The Government’s Conversion Therapy Bill (Prohibition), seems to be a good idea on the surface. This bill is designed to prevent gay persons under 18 years old from being coerced or victimized into disclosing their sexual orientation.
This is all very well, right? But not quite. Children who wish to have hormone therapy for gender reassignment are also covered by the Bill.
It is important to distinguish between gender and sexual orientation. It doesn’t matter who a person is in love with; what they desire to be (in terms of gender) can.
It is possible for a parent to be charged with questioning the decision of their child regarding irreversible hormone therapy under this Bill.
Canada has seen this happen already. A father was sentenced to six months in prison for objecting that his daughter, who is troubled by her transition to being a man, fully reintegrated to the family.
He believed she had been influenced by medical professionals and was not comfortable with her making an irreversible mistake that might lead to regret.
We shouldn’t stop transgender people from being happy in their skins. However, we need to protect the immature mind from doing things that are impossible to undo. Keira Bell was one such example. She made the transition as a teenager, but has changed her mind since then.
She will have to live the rest of her life with the consequences – facial hair, a double mastectomy, fertility problems. What about the other parents who are unable to ask her questions?