Christmas getting you down? Pause, let the feelings rise… and subside

Christmas getting you down? Pause, let the feelings rise… and subside

 There’s always one person in the family who winds us up at Christmas – the aunt who goes on about you having a baby when you’ve been trying for years or the in-law who tells you her gravy is better. When you’re already busting a gut, just one small comment can ruin everything.

Alejandra Sarmiento, psychotherapist from the mental-health clinic THESOKE.UK, discusses how families can revert back to their old behavior patterns. ‘When we were younger, there were certain family dynamics which, even though we’re now adults, our brains can take us straight back to and petty rows can easily happen.’

How can we prevent festive fireworks? First, says Alejandra, try not to set ridiculously high expectations: ‘If you’re too rigid in your thinking you will be easy to break.’ Also acknowledge that a certain someone will probably annoy you. If they bother you, this will allow you to control your emotions. It’s important, too, she says, to avoid ‘toxic positivity’ mode, where for days your ‘perma-smile’ is hiding the fact that you want to yell at someone. This strategy will lead to an explosion.

Of course, it’s not only others or the pressure for perfection we put on ourselves that can tip us over the edge; it’s the financial burden – the season’s biggest strain of all, says Alejandra. To help cut the stress – and the rows, too – she has this advice…

Think about your gift giving. Do you really need to buy gifts for everyone? Perhaps all your guests could bring something that will share in the financial burden.

Don’t hide bad feelings with a ‘perma-smile 

Go easy on yourself While you may enjoy preparing for Christmas, remember: it’s meant to be fun, not make your hair fall out. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your to-do list, Alejandra suggests self-compassion, which basically means: ‘Give yourself a break.’ Let’s face it, she says, when people are three glasses of wine in they can’t taste the chestnuts in the sprouts.

Sidestep conflict If Aunty Joan makes one of her passive-aggressive remarks, instead of retaliating or silently seething, Alejandra suggests you pause, let the feeling rise… then decide calmly not to go there.

Deflect put-downs with humour OK, so your mum says she doesn’t like your haircut. Instead of being cross, respond to her remark with something funny – tell her you’re getting an undercut next. This will show you’ve acknowledged her comment but are not fussed.

Avoid ‘no-go’ topics The past two years have thrown up a lot of divisive subjects – for example, you might be vaccinated but your daughter isn’t. Don’t go there, warns Alejandra – current issues are a temporary state, so don’t do permanent damage to your relationships by debating them.

Basic self-care is important. While it may be difficult to take a soak in the tub, you can make sure that your body gets enough nutrients and rest.

If all else fails, get in your car and shout! This is something Alejandra suggests to clients if emotions are running high as it’s better, she says, to get the feelings out than have them boil over. Get in your car and turn the music up, sing loud, and let loose. You’ll have a happier Christmas for it.

@susannahtaylor_

 Last-minute stocking fillers

Gaiam Cold Therapy Massage Roll, £18, freepeople.com. Keep in the freezer for ice-cold muscle therapy.

Gaiam Cold Therapy Massage Roll, £18, freepeople.com. Place in freezer to receive ice-cold massage therapy.

Mala Collective beads, £109, yogamatters.com. These help focus the mind, soothe the soul and aid meditation

Mala Collective beads, £109, yogamatters.com. They help to focus, calm the soul and facilitate meditation.

 

Contigo Luxe Autoseal Travel Mug drinks flask, £22.45, amazon.co.uk. Slimline, leak-proof and keeps drinks hot/cold for hours – travel mug perfection.

Contigo Luxe Autoseal Travel Mug drinks flask, £22.45, amazon.co.uk. Slimline, leak-proof and keeps drinks hot/cold for hours – travel mug perfection.