We’re all well aware that Allegra Stratton resigned this week, but no one seems to be able to recall any of the actual words she said during her speech. All we remember is the tears. The tears!
What happened to Allegra is every professional woman’s worst nightmare, though no doubt something most of us have come close to. Crying in an office setting is embarrassing for a woman. It sparks a reaction from any surrounding men akin to if you’d suddenly whipped out your tampon: inappropriate, unsightly, and inherently womanly.
If you see a female colleague well up, you’ll be straight to her side with a hushed, ‘Quick, let’s go to the ladies’ loos’ so she can release her pent up tears out of sight.
Years ago in my office, a young woman burst into tears in the open-plan space, having been loudly scolded — by a man — following a stressful week. Although the crying stopped the screaming, it was not because of compassion.
Flora Gill: We’re all well aware that Allegra Stratton resigned this week, but no one seems to be able to recall any of the actual words she said during her speech
He was irritated, rolling his eyes at what I knew he thought was a ‘hysterical’ reaction. She remained loyal to this reputation for many years.
His response was, quite frankly, appalling — not to mention unfair.
She was brilliant at her job, yet overnight the respect she’d earned from her career was gone. Because tears can be associated immediately with weakness.
But there’s really no reason that should be the case. After all, what’s the alternative?
Screaming, shouting, and even throwing objects is a way for some to display a lack of emotional control. This is seen as a more masculine response and, while not necessarily encouraged, it’s somehow less damaging to a person’s reputation.
However, I find that taking your frustrations out on others is far better than crying. Gordon Brown allegedly once threw a stapler at an aide and broke multiple phones by smashing them against the wall — a response that was literally damaging (though it did little harm to his reputation as a leader).
Crying does not cause harm, unlike screaming in rage. It doesn’t even harm you. It is actually a cathartic experience that releases positive endorphins.
As a general rule, women cry more than men — likely a result of societal pressures that give men years of training in how not to appear ‘womanly’ and ‘weak’.
Flora Gill But, if anything, that’s even more of a reason to stop making a big deal out of crying
However, crying is also a sign that you are strong. Allegra’s tears were a rare sign of humanity and remorse in the often callous world politics. It was also a signal that Allegra was not a robot heartless like us.
Some may not have been open to her behavior, but I believe many were closer to her.
Some people will cynically claim that women use their tears as weapons, turning the waterworks in their favor. But, if anything, that’s even more of a reason to stop making a big deal out of crying.
It’s time we destigmatised tears and got over the idea that the world of work is a cry-free zone.
Because the reality is that all of us — men and women alike — wear our emotions differently.
It is my hope that the Westminster women and men will realize this one day.