Allegra Stratton, carrying what appeared to be a shopping bag, left her front door in North London on Wednesday evening dressed like she was going to Tesco.
How else can you explain this sharply dressed professional who is also an adviser to Prime Minister, wearing a Fair Isle sweater, puffer coat (remember better days?) and little hairstyle?
She stopped and looked at a TV camera. An unforgiving close up revealed her puffy eyes and red-rimmed eyes. She was very flushed, and her skin looked blotchy. It was obvious that she had been crying for many hours. The crying started again as soon as she began to read the notes from her hand.
Allegra was visibly upset and began to apologize profusely for what she did at a mock Press Conference last year, in which she had to answer questions regarding a Downing Street Christmas party.
‘I will regret those remarks for the rest of my days… I am truly sorry,’ she faltered, adding that she was offering the PM her resignation.
Allegra Stratton (pictured) began to apologise profusely for her part in a mock Press conference last year in which she faced questions about a Downing Street Christmas party that may or may not have happened
I couldn’t believe my eyes. Not because a governmental figure had finally done the decent thing — although that has been a rarity of late — but because she was doing so with tears openly streaming down her face.
Allegra, once a star for her communication abilities, was having trouble getting her points across.
It would be the least of her thoughts, but I think her performances have taken working women back to a century before they had the vote.
In all my years as a professional working in the highly pressurised TV industry — I have been a producer for ITV, BBC and Channel 4, and made a documentary about Margaret Thatcher — I have never seen behaviour like this before. And it’s shocking.
Much as I was often tempted when things went wrong on the studio floor — and believe me they did — I never cried in public. Far better to be blamed for being aggressive or labelled a ‘difficult woman’ — a badge that’s increasingly worn with pride — than to dissolve in self-pitying tears.
Doing so would be a betrayal to all that women have done for their chance at being taken seriously at work. And when that workplace is the Palace of Westminster, I’m sorry to say, the betrayal is all the greater.
I should know, for while juggling my work in TV, I also had a bird’s-eye view of the Westminster cauldron. After 45 years of marriage to Austin Mitchell (late MP for Grimsby), I witnessed firsthand the struggle for women’s rights at the table.
Westminster women know perhaps better than anyone else how carefully they have to tread: one wrong step and you’ll set the cause back decades was what we all believed.
We felt that if we were going to have any chance of beating the boys at their own game then tears and breakdowns and guilt-trips were for the ladies’ room or behind closed doors at home.
It is a good thing that the role played by women in Westminster has improved and grown over the decades.
Harriet Harman, MP for Camberwell-Peckham announced that she will stand down. Harriet Harman claimed there were only 10 female Labour MPs back when Harriet Harman joined the Commons. Now it’s pretty much equal numbers. The need for Labour’s all-women shortlists is a thing of the past.
“What other explanation could there be for the untidy appearance of this professional adviser and highly-polished professional, dressed now in a Fair Isle sweater, puffer coat (seen better days), and wearing very little makeup and no hairdo?”‘, writes LINDA MCDOUGALL
Frauen are in more powerful and important positions than men, even though Allegra was the editor of ITV news.
No longer confined to being the pretty face in front of the camera, female editors and channel controllers rule the airwaves — and never with a hair out of place. Alex Mahon (head of Channel 4) defended her organization against Left-wing bias claims last week while wearing a ballgown with stilettos.
Was Allegra Stratton really wrong? Is she able to come back?
She is so fragile and insecure at her front door that her only virtue can be used to warn talented young women heading to the world of politics.
We aren’t yet at a stage where large girls can just cry, no matter how stellar their career.
NO WAY! She demonstrated that she was real and a genuine person
By Flora Gill
We’re all well aware that Allegra Stratton resigned this week, but no one seems to be able to recall any of the actual words she said during her speech. All we remember is the words and the emotions. The tears!
What happened to Allegra is every professional woman’s worst nightmare, though no doubt something most of us have come close to. It is embarrassing to cry in the workplace as a woman. It sparks a reaction from any surrounding men akin to if you’d suddenly whipped out your tampon: inappropriate, unsightly, and inherently womanly.
If you see a female colleague well up, you’ll be straight to her side with a hushed, ‘Quick, let’s go to the ladies’ loos’ so she can release her pent up tears out of sight.
Years ago in my office, a young woman burst into tears in the open-plan space, having been loudly scolded — by a man — following a stressful week. But not out of empathy, the crying stopped all shouting.
He was irritated, rolling his eyes at what I knew he thought was a ‘hysterical’ reaction. She remained loyal to this reputation for many years.
His response was, quite frankly, appalling — not to mention unfair.
She was brilliant at her job, yet overnight the respect she’d earned from her career was gone. All because tears immediately indicate weakness.
But there’s really no reason that should be the case. After all, what’s the alternative?
What happened to Allegra is every professional woman’s worst nightmare, though no doubt something most of us have come close to
Some people shout, shout, or throw things in an attempt to show that they have lost control of their emotions. This is seen as a more masculine response and, while not necessarily encouraged, it’s somehow less damaging to a person’s reputation.
I believe that blaming your coworkers for your feelings is far worse than just crying. Gordon Brown allegedly once threw a stapler at an aide and broke multiple phones by smashing them against the wall — a response that was literally damaging (though it did little harm to his reputation as a leader).
Crying does not hurt others, and is different from screaming into your rage. It doesn’t even harm you. Actually, this is an effective cathartic method that can release feel-good endorphins.
As a general rule, women cry more than men — likely a result of societal pressures that give men years of training in how not to appear ‘womanly’ and ‘weak’.
However, crying is also a sign that you are strong. Allegra’s tears were a rare sign of humanity and remorse in the often callous world politics. It was also a signal that Allegra was not a robot heartless like us.
Some may not have been open to her behavior, but I believe many were closer to her.
Some people will cynically claim that women use their tears as weapons, and turn on the waterworks in their favor. But, if anything, that’s even more of a reason to stop making a big deal out of crying.
It’s time we destigmatised tears and got over the idea that the world of work is a cry-free zone.
Because the reality is that all of us — men and women alike — wear our emotions differently.
It is my hope that the Westminster women and men will realize this one day.
PS: We men can’t deal with waterworks
Boris Starling
Was it hard to imagine how you felt when Allegra Stanton cried during her resignation speech. The answer will depend on your politics, your beliefs, your values — but perhaps most of all, it will depend on your sex.
If you’re a man, the sight of her tears may have made you uncomfortable. Men have traditionally been bad at dealing with crying women: it’s not so long ago that any overt display of female emotion in an office would have men ushering the woman in question from the room so they wouldn’t have to deal with her.
Although things have improved, some offices still remain male-dominated. Crying in the workplace is not acceptable, particularly for stress-related reasons or co-worker conflicts. Personal reasons, such as divorce or death, are cut off.
Some men find that a woman’s tears make them feel softer and protective towards her.
People cry when they’re in emotional or physical pain — that is, when they’re vulnerable — and this naturally prompts many (but by no means all) men to downplay machismo and aggression in favour of comfort.
Some men view female crying as emotional manipulation or emotional blackmail, and will not engage in it regardless of the reasons.
‘If you’re a man, the sight of her tears may have made you uncomfortable. BORIS STARLING writes that men have always been terrible at handling crying women.
Men’s reactions vary so much because our own relationship with crying is complex.
Men are less likely to cry than women. This is partially physiological because testosterone may prevent tears from occurring, while prolactin (which measures more in women) may increase them. It’s also partly psychological since boys are socialized not to show weakness or weep.
It is gradually changing. Barack Obama wept several times during his presidency. The nation took Andy Murray to its heart when he wept having lost the 2012 Wimbledon final to Roger Federer, not least because it was the first time that his hitherto unemotional public façade had cracked.
This is a sign that the difference between the sexes may be less than you might think.
People remember Margaret Thatcher’s tears as she was driven away from Downing Street for the last time in 1990, and those of Theresa May as she stepped down two years ago, because these remote and aloof figures had — finally! — shown some emotion.
Although they did cry for their own sakes, we can all do the same.
Stratton’s tears were surely the same, even though she apologised ‘to all of you who lost loved ones, who endured intolerable loneliness and who struggled with your businesses’.
After being the most talked about story and being vilified by social media for a few days, and probably not getting much sleep, many of us would have wept, regardless of gender.
She apologised ‘to all of you who lost loved ones, who endured intolerable loneliness and who struggled with your businesses’
Tears are a natural human reaction when you reach the end of any project to which you’ve given time and effort: that sense of letting go, of having run out of road, of an unexpected freedom which you’ve half-wanted and half-feared for so long.
Allegra Stratton’s question isn’t why she cried, but rather why she did it in public.
She could easily have released a written statement on social media, the way many people — even ministers — do when they resign. She didn’t take questions from the Press and she wasn’t leaving the house to go somewhere else, so she didn’t need to come out at all.
Perhaps she felt, consciously or not, that tears would offset the damage caused by the image of her laughing — because we all understand the twin theatrical masks of comedy and tragedy, no matter who we are.