“Midlife bachelor” conjures images of an older person.Lothario refuses to lose the joy, excitement and freedom of his youth. 

Famous celebrities like Leonardo DiCaprio (47), Jamie Foxx (54) and Jared Leto (49) are examples of this. Even though they’ve been in relationships with children, none of them have walked the aisle. 

Relationship experts disagree with the stereotype that a bachelor is a man-child, or “Peter Pan”, who refuses growing up. 

There are many reasons men might choose not to commit to something, from self-loathing or a refusal to change routines. 

Most of these are about issues that the potential partners need to solve themselves and not about a possible partner who is the best or worst fit. 

'Mid-life bachelor' conjures an image of an ageing Lothario who refuses to give up the freedom, attention and excitement of his youth. Pictured, Leonardo DiCaprio

Jamie Foxx

The term “Midlife bachelor” conjures up an image of an older Lothario refusing to let go of the joy, freedom and attention of youth. Leonardo DiCaprio (47) and Jamie Foxx (54), are both the characters. Both have been in relationships with children and had kids, but never married.

FEMAIL: Lucy Beresford (british psychotherapist, relationship expert and British psychologist) stated that bachelors are Miss Havisham more than James Bond. This is because they are filled with self-loathing which sabotage any relationship. 

‘T“He is more like Miss Havisham in his midlife years,” she said. ‘He is locked in a world of apparent freedom where anything can happen – the spontaneous trips abroad, the thrill of the chase, the buzz of one-night-stands – but where nothing of any actual consequence does.

Miss Havisham, however, was not present at the wedding. Instead, she continued her days as a spinster.

A-list bachelor: Actor Jared Leto, 49

Jared Leto is an Actor and A-list Bachelor.

It’s not a form or grief. But it is an act of self-sabotage that’s driven by deepest fears. Fear of the future. It might seem wonderful or amazing enough to overshadow the pain that you are currently experiencing.

Fear traps the mid-life bachelor. Fear they will not be a good husband, dad, or partner. They won’t find enough humor over the long-term. Fear they will not be sufficient all the time.

Reviewed: When it might still be possible to ‘tame’ a bachelor.

Tina Wilson, relationship expert and founder of dating app Wingman, said: ‘A woman that waits for the right guy to come along is praised, but when a man settles down later in life, it can be seen as a red flag and assumed that they are a playboy, have “peter pan syndrome” or are scared of commitment. Whilst this can absolutely the case, it isn’t always the rule and there is some upside to dating someone with history.

The most important factor in any relationship is timing. If a man has spent all of his time focussing on his career, it’s not going to be easy for him to slip into a perfect coupledom because he has been used to living as a bachelor, but it is absolutely possible and in fact when they decide it’s the right time, they will absolutely focus on making it work.

“But, for some men, the older they become, the more they may be unwilling or unable to compromise and set their own ways. This can make it harder to find the perfect person to settle down and have a happy, fulfilling life. They love the freedom and solitude that being a “confirmed bachelor” brings and this is the real reason they are still single. They don’t want to play the role of a bachelor and aren’t interested in being a part of the “confirmed bachelor” team. They prefer to be independent and have no responsibilities.

“There are some immortal bachelors that do play the field, and they are to be avoided unless you’re looking for casual fun. The men who are loved from an early age will seek out flattery and attention, and want to flaunt their feathers. Whilst you might want to be the one to convert them to settle down (we all love a chase) it is generally nothing to actually do with you, and more to do with the guys’ own belief system and timing in his life.

‘If it doesn’t work naturally, do not push it – and do spend time on a man who is on the same page as you.’

“And the fear that someone will be so connected with them that they will find the dark within.” 

According to Aaron Surtees, a psychologist, some men may be reluctant to change their routine after so many years of being single.

He explained that regardless of whether the change is positive or negative, the human brain can find it difficult to deal with change and it can be a major emotional challenge. It may cause shock, anxiety and even fear. 

The majority of men are happy to leave a romantic relationship or even to court one to follow other interests, including the freedom to choose what and when they like.

“It is true that our minds can lose tolerance as we age. For both men and for women. Our natural tendency to be more selfish can prevent potential romantic relationships from taking place.

Neil Wilkie is a psychologist and relationship expert who agreed with the statement that being in a committed relationship can be more difficult for bachelors. 

His explanation was that mid-life bachelors might be more determined to pursue their solo life, and might not admit to being wrong in abandoning long-term romantic relationships. 

“They might pretend that life is easy and fun from the outside. He said that after all, they must tell the world they made good choices. 

‘But the unspoken and growing realisation that they have made a big life mistake will lead to a hardening of attitudes.

“The mental blinders will continue and they will be even more determined for the one-way path that will lead them to an unhappy and lonely old age.

“The truth is they are feeling that they have made a mistake and they can’t go back.”

Lucy stated that some bachelors are unable to love because of this degree of self-containment.  

She continued, “If you had your heartbroken by a man such as this, whom your friends dismissed (when you were crying on their shoulders at three in the AM) because you are a self-indulgent men-child. 

“They are too afraid to see themselves in the mirror and to learn to love them despite all of their travels abroad, multiple godchildren, hobbies obsessions, and busy sex lives.

Do you consider yourself a bachelor in your mid-life? You don’t have to give up on your mid-life bachelorhood – this is how. 

Neil Wilkie is a Relationship Expert. He also works as a Psychotherapist. 

  • Be free from the past and live in the present.
  • Identify your core values (e.g., happiness, success, friendships, love, achievement). These values can be compared to 10 to determine what needs to happen for you to achieve a perfect score.
  • Understanding what drove you to be where you are today is key. Is it seeking validation from teachers or parents? Are you pursuing inner validation or external validation?
  • Grab some large papers and colored pens. Two pictures can be drawn. One should represent your current life and the other one will show you what it would look like in the future. Take a look at both and decide what you want. Look at these and decide what you need to do to make your future a reality. Imagine a future that is both possible and desirable. Make a plan and start taking the first step.
  • Do you have the right people in your life that can make you happy? These are the things you need right now. What are your options?
  • Create your funeral eulogy. This can be given to someone that you wish to present it to. Write about yourself and what you’d like them to think. This is what you want to hear from the afterlife.
  • Look for someone you feel comfortable being completely open-minded and transparent with. Talk about how you’re feeling now and how you’d like to be feeling in the future. Ask for their help to make sure you are held accountable.
  • Carpe Diem. You can always make a change.