Nicole* will never forget the sense of numbness she felt after her father raped her in December 2018.
After returning home drunk at 15, having chugged alcohol her own dad, Richard*, had bought her, she was berated by him for getting into trouble at school earlier that day.
He threatened her with rape and then forced his way onto her in an uncontrollable attack.
After he finished, he ran to their home in Western Sydney and got a drink. Nicole ran into the bathroom.
Daily Mail Australia reported that she felt “disgusting”.
“I was scratching my skin to feel cleaner.” I didn’t feel clean from anything that I tried.
*Nicole (pictured), from Sydney, was subjected to sickening sexual attacks by her father *Richard. Daily Mail Australia has received written permission from her to share her story
She bravely confronted him at court when he was sentenced for 12 years. To inspire others who have been victims of sexual assault, she now tells her story.
Nicole suffered the horror of six months of brutal abuse at her father, who was her sole guardian after the death of her mother six years prior.
The hurt and the betrayal of Richard, the man she was supposed to trust, was devastatingly all too well-known.
Although exact figures can be difficult to determine, the Australian Bureau of Statistics estimates that 15% – and up to 20% for women – of all children will experience child sexual abuse from their families.
Nicole is unfortunately a perfect example of such a disturbing and bizarre trend.
She bravely speaks out and shares her story in order to encourage other survivors of sexual abuse to come forward and let them know that they are not the only ones.
Nicole, as a little girl. Although she describes her childhood with a lot of fun, behind closed doors it was a sexy household.
It was bittersweet.
Nicole was raised in Colyton, Sydney’s western suburbs. Her childhood included frequent fishing trips and regular visits to her father, mother, and brothers.
But, these happy times were marred by bouts of chaos in a ‘abusive household’ – plagued her father’s drinking and violent outbursts.
Nicole knew that her dark secrets were being kept behind closed doors.
The twisted paedophile was sexually abusing her (and others) up until the age of six. She wasn’t old enough to realize the severity of his crimes, but it had just become so common to her.
He subjected her multiple times per week to sickening attacks, starting at an early age that she couldn’t remember.
Nicole remembered that “He would take us away on little holidays just him and me to Wollongong.” It would be more frequent then that.
Nicole and Nicole were both abused by a friend of theirs.
Nicole told her mother about Nicole and she immediately called the police to kick Richard out.
Nicole was sexually assaulted by her father starting at an unknown age and continuing until she reached six years. Pictured as a young girl with her mother, grandmother
Five charges were brought against him, including sexual intercourse with a person younger than 10 years and indecent attack on a person less than 16 years.
Nicole stated that her mother was upset by the revelations.
“I had not really understood its gravity up to then.”
Although she felt relieved that the abuse was over, the 6-year-old girl still felt guilty as though her family had been torn apart.
Nicole was rejected by her family for his guilt. However, her mother, Nicole, became her most trusted ally and rallied to her support as she dealt with the trauma.
The family was relieved to see Richard released from custody and began rebuilding their lives.
Tragedia strikes
Nicole was nineteen when her mother, then 32, died on Nicole’s Rooty Hill front yard.
Nicole believed she was only a baby when she thought that Nicole was actually sleeping.
Nicole stated, “We don’t yet know why she died.” Nicole added, “Some family members have said that it was alcohol poisoning. My dad claimed it was suicide.”
“I totally broke down. “I was completely devastated. My whole life seemed to have ended. My mom was my rock and my best friend. My everything was lost when she died.
*Richard (pictured) is currently in prison after pleading guilty to sexually abusing his daughter. His parole application will be accepted in June 2028.
As orphans, Nicole moved in with her maternal grandmother in Western Sydney while they waited to hear the verdict on their father’s case.
Richard was sentenced on August 31 to four-years and six-months in prison with a two year non-parole period at Penrith District Court.
As soon as the court case ended, Nicole’s grandmother relocated the family to Bairnsdale, in Victoria’s East Gippland, hoping to give the three children a fresh start.
Father is back
For a time, life settled down, but then in 2015 she got a call from her dad, who was paroled and had tracked her down.
Once she realized who it was she dropped the phone. She ran home in fear as the pain that she felt under his control came to an abrupt halt. It had been triggered by his voice.
After he left her, she did not hear anything from him until 2018. He sent her an apology message via Facebook, claiming that he had changed and had forgiven his sins.
He was initially skeptical, but he continued to speak with Nicole and convinced her that he wasn’t the same person as he once was.
Nicole, taken at her father’s house around the time that the second abuse episode began.
Nicole was in her teens at the time and found herself in constant fights with her grandmother. She also had become discontented at home.
Nicole moved to Mount Druitt after she expressed her wish to leave during an argument.
She stated that she was initially excited about the idea, but became anxious and nervous when it started to happen.
‘I was really scared because I didn’t know what was going to happen. I didn’t know if he had changed or not. “I just stood up and started moving.
The transition went smoothly at first and Nicole enjoyed living with her step-mother and dad as she adjusted to the new school. But the nightmare quickly followed.
He began blackmailing his child a month later with threats of starvation, and the threat of being homeless if he didn’t send him explicit photographs of her bodies.
He and Nicole split in December to his utter horror. They moved in together.
The abuse escalated to rape when he was alone with his child, starting as one or two times per week in the first month and becoming daily by January.
Nicole was subject to daily sexual abuse by her father, and she became suicidal. Pictured at the close of 2018, while she was subject to sexual abuse.
“I had suicidal thoughts.” One time I even considered killing my self. She said that she felt as though there were no other choices.
He would get furious if I wouldn’t do something with him and shout at me. He’d buy me pet animals, pot, or give me rewards.
‘He made me feel like if I didn’t do it, I wasn’t going to eat, I wasn’t going to be in a happy home, I wasn’t going to be safe.’
Richard made several sexual advances to Nicole’s friends as the abuse went on.
Nicole was determined for their protection and felt the need to speak out.
Her friend noticed that something was not right at her sleepover and she asked her. It was then that she realized it was the right time to speak up.
I was scared. She said, “I was terrified. I wasn’t sure what they’d think about me. But they were so supportive.”
“They stated that, no matter how you speak, we will always remain here. You will never be judged by us.
“We met my friend’s mother, and she told me. We then went straight to police to file a complaint.
Nicole was terrified for her life while speaking with officers. Richard started harassing Nicole with text messages demanding that she return home, and Nicole realized that Richard knew what she was talking to him.
When her friends felt threatened, the teenager bravely spoke up.
She fled the station and went to hiding with a friend after being forced from one house. Her uncle found her when she was still missing.
Richard became a terror threat hours later when, on June 9, 2018, Richard was taken into custody and charged for persistent sexual abuse.
He was sentenced on November 23 to 12 years imprisonment after pleading guilty. In June 2028, the parole process will allow him to be released.
Nicole presented a strong victim impact statement in court to the man that has filled her with hatred as she described the devastating effects of his crimes.
The text reads: “Because my father is dead, I am unable to live normal lives.”
“I cannot do my daily activities anymore without his constant reminders. I can’t look in the mirror at my body. My body is always scrubbed in the bath until it turns red from feeling dirty.
“I get anxiety attacks when people look like me. Anxiety, depression and PTSD are all things I suffer from. My PTSD attacks mostly happen in my sleep and I can’t snap out of it.
“He has taken my whole life away, including my happiness, innocence, family, and my freedom. He has taken my life, my happiness, my innocence and family. I have put a face to the pain I feel every day.
“I’m not going to be able overcome the trauma I have suffered, but I’ll learn how to make a move.”
Nicole, pictured right, is currently living with her father’s ex-partner and dreams of becoming a criminal psychology.
All new beginnings
Nicole moved in to live with a confidante after Richard’s arrest. Nicole tried her best at school but was unable to keep up with class. Nicole eventually quit halfway through Year 11, as she struggled with sleep-depriving PTSD, and the court case.
Nicole admits that she has her down moments, but she says she’s now feeling better and reminds herself that it wasn’t her fault.
Now, she lives with her stepmother. She’s currently training to be a youth worker to support them in similar circumstances.
Her goal is to also become a Criminal Psychologist, so she can work with criminals such as her father and discover what makes them tick.
Nicole attributes her ability to overcome her terrible ordeal to the unwavering support she received from her stepmother and friends.
Her story hopes to inspire other survivors of sexual assault to share their stories and know that they are not the only ones.
“My support networks are what got me through this. If I didn’t have those people. I wouldn’t even be here now,” she stated.
“There will always be days!” [the abuse]It will make you feel down but it is okay.
“Find people who believe in you, and support you. These people will support you through any difficulties.
For confidential support, contact call Lifeline 13 11 14 or Beyondblue 1300 22 4636.
*Names have been changed for legal reasons