The pandemic’s left so many of us stressed and worn out. Paul McKenna today launches an important Mail series that offers a 3-step program to reset emotions.
Over the course of the pandemic, we’ve become good at training ourselves to consider worst-case scenarios. It’s no surprise.
For almost two years an ancient part of our brain, called the amygdala — which is where we process feelings of threat and fear that trigger a fight-or-flight response — has been receiving almost constant stimulation.
We live in a world where protecting ourselves against Covid and the people we love is a constant theme.
This is the key message as we work our way through the health crisis. However, it can become exhausting just to deal with this.
For almost two years an ancient part of our brain, called the amygdala — which is where we process feelings of threat and fear that trigger a fight-or-flight response — has been receiving almost constant stimulation PAUL McKENNA writes
Think of the amygdala like a button. You feel fearful, anxious and threatened when it is pressed.
This button becomes more permanent with time. It becomes more difficult to reset the button the more it is pressed. It eventually refuses to turn off.
That’s where we’re at now: in a collective state of alert, struggling to switch off our fight-or-flight responses. And it’s playing havoc with our emotional wellbeing.
Some of the greatest techniques that I have learned in my professional career are ones that can help individuals reduce stress.
We all know what it’s like to feel so wound up you can’t think straight.
It is difficult to think rationally under stress; you can see the worst case scenarios more clearly than those with positive outcomes.
Stress can be mentally exhausting and also prevents us from being creative, positive, and happy.
I can’t remove stress from your life. Being human is a part of experiencing stress.
I’m going to show you how to calm down your emotions, and keep away from the feeling of imminent doom.
They’re easy to follow, quick to master and they work. Best of all, this is a skill you can utilise long after the threat of the pandemic is behind us — the ability to switch off stress so you can think clearly, rationally and creatively whatever life throws at you.
We can have greater control over how we feel and think. This allows us to make better choices about our behaviours, and eventually our life.
LEARN TO THINK LIKE EINSTEIN
Albert Einstein, one of the most creative thinkers of all time, used to undertake what he called ‘thought experiments’. They were visualisation exercises which helped Einstein understand the possibilities.
So, let’s do our first thought experiment because it’s not just what we think about, but the way we think about it, that is important.
Relax and recall a time you were happy. Return to that memory like you’re back there again now. See what you saw … hear what you heard … and feel how good you felt. Make the colours rich, bright and bold … the sounds loud and feelings strong. You should feel really happy right now.
Next, I’d like you to think about a mildly uncomfortable memory — maybe a time when you had an argument, or you felt disappointed or upset.
Over the course of the pandemic, we’ve become good at training ourselves to consider worst-case scenarios. No wonder PAUL McKENNA wrote it
Get out of the memory. Now, look at yourself from a perspective that is based on another person’s experience. You can then take all of the color out and blacken it. Then fade it. Now, your upset should be significantly reduced.
So many of us have a negative internal voice — running self-destructive messages that hold us back. To learn the power and potential of inner positivity, it is essential to end negative thoughts.
It’s not just what you say to yourself, it’s also how you say it. Consider how the world sounds when you’re stressed.
What does your internal dialogue sound like — is it worried, anxious?
Do you know how to talk to yourself? Calmly? Are you worried or frightened?
Talking to our inner self in fear and stress will only make us more stressed.
I’d like you to tap into your inner voice, so, let’s try another thought experiment. Now, talk to your inner voice in a calm and gentle way.
With your internal dialogue, use the same tone of voice that you’d use to tell a bedtime story. Say something calming such as, ‘All is well. All is well’. See how it feels.
It is important to remember that in addition the thoughts we have inside, it’s also how we express them. Progressive relaxation…
Using that calm, internal voice we’re going to imagine ourselves into a calmer and more and more relaxed state.
You will feel more relaxed as you relax by stepping into or floating towards a calmer self.
This technique can help you relax when stress is a problem.
Close your eyes and imagine another ‘you’, one that is twice as relaxed as you are now. You can imagine floating into a more relaxed version of yourself. You can see through the eyes and ears of the more relaxed you, and experience deeper relaxation. Continue this practice until you feel deeper relaxation. You can take a break and observe the sensations.
You can then, if necessary, go back and do it again. Continue to imagine a relaxed version of yourself and let it flow until you’re completely relaxed. This feeling can be held for as long you want. When you’re ready, your full, awake consciousness will return, so that you can feel alert and fresh again.
Make friends with your inner voice
1) Locate your internal voice. Just ask yourself, ‘Where is my internal voice?’ and notice the location where you hear the words. The front, back or side of your head.
2)Let me ask you, now imagine what your voice would sound like if it were confident. Are you hearing it more or less than usual? Does it sound clearer or easier to understand? Are they stronger or less?
Are you faster or slower? Regardless of how your voice sounds, whether you’re confident and positive or not, place that voice where it belongs.
3) Now, in a strong, calm voice, say these words over and over: ‘All is well, all is well, all is well,’ and notice how that makes you feel.
4) Next, think of some of the negative suggestions you have given yourself in the past — things such as ‘I’m shy and nervous’, ‘I am rubbish at giving presentations’ or ‘I will never find someone to fall in love with me’.
5) For each statement, come up with its positive opposite: ‘I’m naturally confident’, ‘I give excellent presentations’ or ‘I am extremely lovable’.
6) Finally, I want you to repeat the new, positive suggestions to yourself in your new, confident internal voice — say the new statements over and over again.
Don’t be ruled by your feelings
Even though some of our feelings may be uncomfortable, all of our feelings are part of our emotional intelligence — their purpose is to let us know we need to pay attention to something.
We feel happy when we find something that makes us smile, and we want more.
But, we all have other feelings. These are normal and necessary for us to maintain our natural balance.
Fear is a warning sign that something could go wrong. Be prepared. Anger is often a motivation to escape from situations that violate one of our boundaries.
Anger and frustration are related. It arises when we’re not achieving the level of results that we believe we should. The goal is to motivate and reevaluate our goals.
Even though some of our feelings may be uncomfortable, all of our feelings are part of our emotional intelligence — their purpose is to let us know we need to pay attention to something PAUL McKENNA writes
Sadness is the result of feeling that something is missing from our lives, either because we’ve lost it or we’ve lost touch with it. The underlying message is both to appreciate what we’ve lost and to be grateful for what we still have.
However useful these feelings can be, we don’t want to be ruled by them. My friend Genpo Roshi (zen master) inspired the following method.
With your palms up, place your hands in front of your face.
Then, focus your attention on what you are feeling. It could be a fear, anger, or something else. Ask yourself if you feel anything similar. If there is, make a note of it — if there is not, that is fine, too.
Next, imagine feeling the sensation in your left hand. Now touch it. Then think of the opposite of that feeling — for example, peace, calm, comfort.
Bring that opposite feeling to mind — peace, calm, comfort — and notice how it feels. Next, place that positive, opposite feeling in your right-hand.
You can now move your eyes up to the top of your head, and while you are there feel both sensations simultaneously.
Allow yourself to continue feeling both emotions while keeping your eyes above your head.
As you do that, your emotional system will re-calibrate so that you can experience that difficult emotion at a lower level as it re-integrates into your emotional intelligence.