Which Christmas celebration will you celebrate this year? Woke or couldn’t give a f***? Still using shiny silver ribbon, recycled string, and eco-paper A chunk of plant-based vegan No Gammon or Ham on the Bone?

The politically correct and environmentalists are concerned that Christmas is a dangerous and conflictual holiday. 

It has been six weeks since Cop 26, when 140 countries committed to ending deforestation by 2030. Some quarters don’t believe the message got across. 

Others believe that Xmas trees are not counted in global warming wars. Instead, thousands of pine trees will be felled to ‘honour’ Jesus’ birth.

2021 will be the year of excess, after many months of social starvation. One tree is certainly not enough. Celebrities often prefer to have two trees, as in Greg Wallace’s Masterchef case. Eight is highly desired.

What kind of Christmas will you be celebrating this year? Woke or couldn't give a f***? Still using silver ribbon and shiny wrapping or recycled string and eco-paper? (Stock image)

Which Christmas celebration will you celebrate this year? Woke or couldn’t give a f***? Are you still using shiny wrap and silver ribbon? Or recycled string and eco paper? (Stock image)

Anyone with a large following on social media, from Abby Clancy, to Gemma Collins has decorated their front doors with a swathe of greenery and bought six sets of matching pyjamas (including the designer dog), and put an Xmas tree into every corner. 

Every stage of the orgy’s over-consumption was, naturally, meticulously captured for all to see on social media.

Can Christmas be celebrated without destroying the earth? Can festive joy be defined as more than the next-door neighbours, or even your soap actors? 

Xmas preparations were made the same way as our parents five years ago. Most of us were happy to take out the decorations from last year, to dust off the fake tree, or to buy a five-foot spruce. We tried to plant it in the garden every January but it died.

Perhaps because Covid has kept us at home for so many months, Christmas this year seems even more absurd.

With flashing lights, plastic reindeer, and fake holly we are turning our houses into winter palaces. Living foliage is not allowed. On celebrity trees it’s deemed essential to cover every sign that this is a living being, with idiotic candy bars, lollypops, stuffed pigs and fake doughnuts….why?

The November increase in energy use and decorations sent a message to neighbors: “sod rising energy price we can afford”

Back in November as Cop 26 delegate debated ways to save the earth, thousands marched to make the point that we need to change how we live if we want to help the planet. The message of the woke became more mainstream. So we believed. 

Speaking at the conference, speakers said that rampant consumerism – pointless purchases of clothing usually made by the poor, with pitiful salaries, excessive packaging and plastics which are turning the oceans into areas where fish die – must be stopped to slow down global warming and to prevent vast parts of the globe from flooding.

Many of our biggest retailers saw an opportunity to market and were eager to show their environmental awareness. 

Co-op even changed the name of some outlets to CoOp26. The Co-op promised that they would reduce waste and promote more fruit and vegetables than the best. They also dare to offer more “nude” products without transparent film.

Is it possible to celebrate Christmas without decimating the planet? Does festive fun have to mean more of everything, more than your next door neighbours or your fellow soap stars? (Stock image)

Can Christmas be celebrated without destroying the earth? Can festive joy be defined as more than the next-door neighbours, or even your soap actors? (Stock image)

What number of celebrities have pledged to reduce the amount of plastic pollution in the oceans? These eco-people are buying millions upon millions of sequinned gowns (which will go in the recycling on January 31st), even though office parties have been cancelled. 

It does not matter, as the shimmering sweater will make Christmas day brighter when you prepare vegan meals.

It is difficult to stay on the same message as your environmental-conscious Christmas. Although I did choose Marks and Spencer’s recycled wrapping paper, it was not as good as my middle and was a mess at every corner. 

Cracks needed to be closed with non-eco transparent adhesive tape. It was a pale, unappealing shade of beige that you would use to tie up runners beans, and not something to give as a gift.

With cards, I was more successful – I found an old bag that had been stored by the boiler last year and handed it off to my customers as new. That is recycling to me.

Debit side: I have worn two garish Christmas sweaters already on TV, but will reuse them for Christmas Day. Also, my birthday is two days later – r- Anything to keep me from looking pathetic from looking over the stove.

When it comes to making the “right” catering decisions, I believe that the proteins on my tables all began with just four legs and two wings. 

I think the goose and ham are going to be fantastic, with the best ham ever. Also, there is a piece of pork that needs to be rolled up and roasted.

Hugh Fearnley Smugness says he loves to place a branch from the forest in his natural tablescape (as is your dining table), then decorate it with paper cutouts and ivy (probably recycled newspaper).

Yuck! Yuck!

Foraging in my area means finding and picking up KFC wrappers, dog poo, and cans of KFC that have been tossed around green spaces. Not branches from hedgerows or rustic oak. We don’t all have garden space, much less a plot to plunder for our table decorations. It’s clear that Christmas isn’t good for the environment.

There will be 100 million tons of garbage going to the landfill. Most people will just use tablecloths made of plastic and throw away the leftovers in their crackers.

Greg Wallace claims that there is a middle ground between his ghastly Xmas and a feast of turkey, ham, and beef. The eco brigade with Hugh and his River Cottage gang’s patronising tips.

Hugh advocates using real linen napkins that can be purchased in charity shops and creating individual envelopes to each guest with a joke instead of a cracker. This is a worthy gesture from those who have the luxury of hand-made designer nobbly knits.

Is it possible to make my own paper hats. You think that I am turning into Kirsty, an upper-middle class woman who is a great helper? It will, however, be my first resolution for the New Year.