JAnuary

Boris Johnson asked the Queen during her weekly visit to Buckingham Palace if she had ever seen Shaun The Sheep. After delivering an urgent speech to United Nations, the Prime Minister flew to America to ask for more hands. “Come on, let’s be real, can you name the four Teletubbies?” He continues.

Februar

Nick Clegg is leaving his position as Vice-President for Global Affairs and Communications at Facebook to’search for new challenges’. He announced that he was taking up an “exciting role” as chief spokesperson of Britney’s father, HRH Prince of York, Kim Jong-un. 

BBC Radio 4’s head issues guidelines that require every program to include at least four mentions of mental health. Every Desert Island Discs castaway must answer the question, “And how is your mental health?” — before being permitted to introduce their first record.

CRAIG Brown writes that a law is brought before Parliament in order to criticize Adele.

March

Parlament is presented with a bill to criminalize Adele’s criticism.

Michael Portillo, who has covered all major rail journeys in the world says that he’s looking for something more.

Michael’s ten-part television series From West Ruislip to South Ruislip covers three stops along the Central Line of London Underground.

“Join us as we set off from West Ruislip to venture through Ruislip Gardens, until I reach South Ruislip,” says the ex-MP.

Highlights of the interview include Michael discovering from a local historian West Ruislip’s name comes from its location at the farthest west point of Ruislip. Also, his abrupt change in jacket color from pale yellow towards pale mauve between Ruislip Gardens & South Ruislip.

April

University of Sussex students are ecstatic at the possibility of seeing Jaws on campus.

'Official estimates suggest that 99 per cent of all film and TV dramas are introduced by the phrase: ‘Based on a true story’. Nevertheless, one or two nitpicking critics object to their use at the start of the TV remake of Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs', writes CRAIG BROWN

According to official estimates, 99 percent of TV and film dramas use the phrase “Based on a true Story”. CRAIG Brown writes that there are a few nitpicking criticisms who object to the use of these words at the beginning of the TV version of Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs.

Student leader: “This film, which is extremely hurtful and offensive to sharks as well as large fishes in general,” said the student leader. Galeophobia is a form of demonization that seeks to destroy the whole shark community. The movie shows a peaceful shark swimming among human swimmers near the beach. This is ignored by film-makers who choose to ignore it and focus instead on self-defence caused by aggressive splashing around by the humans.

Official statistics suggest that 99% of film and television dramas include the statement “Based upon a true story”. However, there are a few nitpicking criticisms who object to the use of these words at the beginning of the TV version of Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs. The critics claim the story is completely fabricated.

Peter Morgan, the show’s scriptwriter, claims it to be largely true. He was also involved in The Crown. “OK, Snow White might not actually have been Snow White. She was actually a woman, and he did not have a stepmother. There was no magic mirror. But in all other respects, my research indicates it to be completely true.

Morgan answered the question about whether there had been a woodland cottage that was home to seven dwarfs named Doc, Grumpy and Happy. We may have adjusted the odd detail — in real life, the woodland cottage was a flat in Central London, and the seven dwarfs were a couple called Geoff and Jill — but in every other respect our team of researchers stuck doggedly to the facts.’

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex announce a new motto on their coat of arms: Memoriae mutari possunt, which loosely translates as ‘Recollections may vary’.

On their coat of arms, the Duke and Duchess have a new motto: Memoriae motari possunt. This loosely translated means ‘Recollections might vary’.

Mai

A pedestrian was arrested in London for failing to see his mobile phone when he is walking. The head of the newly created Mobile Task Force of police says that this was another example of anti-social behavior.

“Mobile phones are an indispensable part of our daily lives. There are serious consequences for anyone who tries to do without them. This is a valuable lesson. It serves to remind the public that we as a society are not prepared to accept a small number of people who want to go where they’re going.

June

The Duchess and Duke of Sussex have announced a new motto for their coats of arms. It is Memoriae Mutari Possunt. This roughly translates to ‘Recollections can vary’.

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