Once again, society begins to split as Christmas approaches. This time it’s not Brexit versus Remain, or Woke versus Unwoke, but what I like to call the Covid Cavaliers versus the Covid Cringers. It’s possible that we will never be able to agree what constitutes civilized party behavior.
Personally, I’m a festive free spirit, a party enthusiast. Like a plant without water, I had been withering on the vine and what I needed to bring me back to life was interaction with other people — and not over Zoom, thank you very much.
Many of us are tired of living in isolation after 18 months spent saving our lives at home.
As anyone who attended a party in recent times will tell you, they are much more exciting than pre-Covid. As we have been so deprived, it is easier to enjoy the pleasure of socialising and a more positive atmosphere.
Mary Killen (pictured), says that we have come to appreciate socializing more after the pandemic. Here, an etiquette expert offers tips for how to navigate the holiday season in style and ease
Health is like a wheel. We’ve all lost friends to strokes, cancer and so on. Are we truly willing to spend our time at home trying not to boredom?
The risks are not taken lightly by Cavaliers. They’re going out. Correctly out. Sometimes they organize super-spreader mass events. They take the view that, ‘I’ve been double/triple-jabbed. I’m bound to get it sometime, but I’m not going to put my life on hold any more and, besides, with parties being so good at the moment, it would be almost worth catching it’.
Cavaliers enjoy sharing their cigarettes and kissing each other, like there are no Covid microbes.
You will find the Covid Cringers, pandemic party poopers. Complex rituals that evoke Japanese tea ceremonies are followed by the Covid Cringers. They sterilize packaging, even though it is now known that Covid doesn’t live on inanimate surfaces.
Some Cringers can be really vulnerable if they have pre-existing conditions. We are sensitive to their concerns. Cringers are more well-informed because they work as if they were on war footing. They don’t bother following the continuous updates about new infections and hospitalisations. Cavaliers on the other hand, prefer to keep their heads down.
Others Cringers can be described as pragmatic individuals. These Cringers look ahead at what they will do for Christmas, and then consider how their travel plans might get thwarted by the positive Covid test. Let them decide.
Then there are the flies in the ointment — the Worried Well. If you’ve had both jabs and a booster, it’s estimated that you are more than 90 per cent safe from developing symptomatic Covid.
I can’t help noticing that in among the Cringers are hypochondriacs, control freaks and party refuseniks who welcome any excuse to decline an invitation.
Mary advises hosts to allow guests to roam throughout the whole house and to open as many windows as possible (file image)
Cringers want all other guests to adhere to the agreed anti-Covid rules if they are going out. Clearly a good host wants to accommodate the fears of nervous guests, but the latter should avoid the temptation to query the guest list before accepting, or making comments such as, ‘Did you know she is an anti-vaxxer?’ Or, ‘Did you know he’s just flown back from Austria where they’ve had a spike in numbers?’ Or, ‘I assume you won’t be serving any dips?’
There are risks everywhere and it’s up to the guest to decide before attending a party whether to take them — it is not their duty to assume the role of health and safety adviser.
Let’s face it, it’s a social minefield. This is how I will help you navigate the party season smoothly and stylishly.
PRE-PARTY ETIQUETTE — BEING A GOOD HOST
How can you be responsible if your party is yourself? Allow your guests to freely roam the house, and make sure that as many windows are as possible. Put a pop-up marquee or a gazebo in your garden if you have one (good for seating parents and any elder guests) — you can buy them inexpensively from B&Q.
Don’t forget to supply garden heaters. You must ventilate the area to stop spread. Make sure your guests are warm, and that you have lots of blankets.
Mary said social distancing isn’t possible at standing events, because once the drinks flow people will be magnetised towards one another (file image)
WHY THERE’S NO POINT ASKING FOR TEST PROOF
It is possible to ask your guests for evidence of negative Covid tests, but that’s not a good idea. Many people don’t take the test anymore. Some might lie to say that they’ve taken the tests. They might even take a negative lateral flow test.
You could also make it clear that a bouncer will ask for proof of vaccination if you are trying to trim your body. You will get the credit for being careful, but if guests forget the required paperwork, then it’s not your fault.
If you worry your friends will sneer at you for being a party fascist, just explain that there will be some especially vulnerable people present and you don’t want to be responsible for their early demise.
THE GREAT SOCIAL DISTANCE CONUNDRUM
At seated events it is possible to socially disengage, however not at standing ones. When the drinks start flowing, people will become attracted to one another.
Mary said a kissing and hugging protocol needs to be gently enforced, but friends who have not seen you for months often lunge before you have a chance to say anything (file image)
WHAT TO DO?
You don’t have to host separate parties if your Cavaliers and Cringers are passionately against each other regarding party protocol.
Ask friends to tell you if they are worried or not. Then, host a small party without any singing, dancing or kissing and lots of distancing to help those who may be afraid to go out.
Another wild and raucous party for all those who realize that their lives are too precious to keep on cringing but who can take risks.
STATUS OF A KISSING PROTOCOL
These rules should be clearly stated and enforced. It’s all very well saying you are not hugging or kissing, but friends who have not seen you for months often lunge before you have a chance to say anything. A recent country wedding saw guests refusing to hug or kiss each other and were given corsages, sprays of sea-lavender pins to show their preferences.
A party host in West London had an innovative idea to hand out ropes full of tinsel when guests arrived. As she tells me: ‘Those who don’t want to be kissed can wear them as a collar so there can be no mistake and no offence given by people ducking away from those bearing down on them.’
Mary recommends discreetly bringing your own glass, as we’ve all spotted party waiters ‘washing’ glasses with just one dunk in filthy water (file image)
A SOLUTION TO THE DOUBLE DIP DILEMMA
Be careful. Covid was supposed to make hotel breakfast buffets obsolete, but it seems they have returned. At parties, there are shared bowls with multiple options for double-dipping and they can be found at many events.
Best to serve food without dips, such as pigs in blankets, which can be loaded on to individual wooden skewers to set the Cringers’ minds at rest.
My friend said that his friends put nuts into small, narrow-necked vases with pansy handles so everyone can tip them. ‘I can’t stand people scrabbling for the nuts and getting their fingers all over the ones they don’t have.’
You can eat before going to a party if you’re nervous about sharing communal plates.
BRING YOUR OWN WINES GLASS
We have all spotted party waiters ‘washing’ glasses with just one dunk in filthy water. You can discreetly bring your glass. If it’s a generic one, nobody will notice — indeed, the Mail’s former social diarist Nigel Dempster first got his foothold in Society by gate-crashing parties. As if he was just about to speak with someone, he would show up wearing black tie and bringing a glass champagne. He was always on time and never encountered any problems at the door.
Mary said only go ahead with hosting a carol singing party if the windows can be opened and a degree of distance can be achieved (file image)
Please choose between DOWN TO DANCE and SPACE
Unless you keep your party deathly quiet — and where’s the fun in that? — dancing may break out spontaneously, even if neither guest nor host expected it, putting paid to good intentions for social distancing. Join the Cringers if you are unsure.
RAISE SPIRITS TO SAFELY SING ALONG
Rupert Sheldrake is the scientist who proved that collective singing can have physiological and psychological benefits. Consider the aerosols before you host a Christmas carol singing event around your fireplace. You should only open the windows and allow for some distance.
TOO MUCH? DO YOU FEAR TO BE OVER-CROWDED?
Be concerned about indoor crushes in restaurants. Nip outside. Friends will assume you’re just talking to smokers or smoking, Nobody cares about the cold.
Mary cautions guests not to post images showing reckless behaviour by large groups of people (file photo)
POST-BASH CAUSES: HOW TO MANAGE
Obviously, you must tell your host — though it’s bad form to accuse them in any way. Get your thank-you note in quickly so you don’t have to write it after sending an alert to say you picked up Covid at the event.
I would recommend writing or emailing the following: ‘I hope you are all well. I’ve just had a Covid positive notice! You may feel you want to tell everyone.’
On receipt of this, as the host, it is your duty to text everyone, saying simply: ‘We have had one positive Covid test since the party. I suggest you take a lateral flow test.’
PLAY IT COOL IN SOCIAL MEDIA
Posting photos only of your own at an event is better. Posting photos of swarms or reckless people could put the host in trouble. It’s possible that these photos might end up being used against you. It is also bad manner to make jealousy of others if they weren’t invited.