Ever sent a sexy photo – without being asked? Did you ignore the warning to leave after a one night-stand? Are you ready to stop sex after a one-night-stand? Refuse reciprocation if your lover does it verbally.

If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s time to overhaul your bedside manners! If you want to show respect to your loved ones and let them know that you are a class act, there are some universal rules you should all follow.

What is ‘proper?’ and what’s not?

Here’s my guide on good sex etiquette. These are the things that make the difference between the slobby-sleazy and the classy and well-mannered.

Sexpert Tracey Cox shares her universal guide to good sex etiquette rules. Stock image

Sexpert Tracey Cox shares her universal guide to good sex etiquette rules. Stock image

Answering the “How many love?” question Answering the question “How many loves?”

Klassy: It is more risky to know that someone who had only one lover and didn’t use protection is at greater risk than someone who slept with 30 people and used condoms every night.

Answering that I’m not interested is the past. A number means nothing. All I care about is the future, since we have met each other. Refusing to give in to pressure to reveal information you don’t want. Never ask anyone that question.

Tacky: Getting offended and saying, ‘Are you insinuating I’m promiscuous/a s**t?’. Pushing someone who doesn’t want the answer. Saying that you’ll be fine with whatever they answer, and then storming off to make judgements.


Klassy: Before you send anyone anything sexual, it is worth asking. Sending a picture that is erotic, arty, and not revealing your private parts. Keep photos that your lover sends safe from prying eyes. Never show your face or reveal any sensitive features in photos you send. If asked, instantly delete incriminating photos

Tacky: Sending ‘d**k pics’ uninvited. Sending sexy pictures to someone you shouldn’t. Ex-lovers should not be sexting if they are with their new partner. Sending your friends sexy photos and texts from other people. Threatening them to send them to their mother/new partner/boss/head or put them on Facebook if they don’t do it.

How to handle a one-night stand 

Klassy: It is important to know that it does not mean you should push it. Not being selfish: It might only be for a moment, but it’s not about your pleasure. It’s okay not to say anything if you can’t remember their name. 

Wait 15 minutes after sex has ended, then say you have a meeting/your Mum is dropping in early in morning and getting you home. Never assuming they will. Feeling sexually empowered and not ashamed the next day.

Tracey (pictured) said there are universal bedroom manner rules that everyone should follow if you want to show respect and let your lovers know you’re a class act

Tracey (pictured) stated that there are universal bedroom rules that everyone should observe if they want to show respect and let their lovers know that you are a class act

Tacky: If sex does not happen, it is a sign that you are angry or frustrated. It’s not worth asking (or caring) about the preferences of another person because you won’t be able to see them again. Assuming that you will sleep over without first checking. Refusing to accept the hint to leave when it is blatantly obvious that they would like you to. Refusing to give someone your phone number if you don’t intend on calling.

Environment and sexual hygiene 

Klassy: Clean nails, freshly washed, and well-groomed with smooth, neat hair. You will have clean sheets, tidy bedrooms, and a well-lit bedroom. Extra points for having champagne in your fridge, and a few decent wines.

Tacky: Clothes left on the floor, empty take-out containers, and overflowing ashtrays at the coffee table. There is no milk in the fridge, no ironing in the bedroom corner, and a bed that looks like a rugby team has just had a party in. You can get even more points for having uneven, scratchy nails, genitals and sour breath.

The drunk booty call 

Klassy: Don’t go if you aren’t feeling well. To test the water, text first. If they aren’t up for it, accepting it with grace. Offer to take them home in a cab, instead of keeping them awake all night snoring.

Tacky: Unannounced arrival at 2am, knocking on their doors or pressing the buzzer repeatedly, waking up all the neighbors. 

Refusing to leave. Falling asleep during sex. Throwing up. Passing out and taking up the whole bed. They are still there, nursing the mother-of-all hangovers when they return from work the next morning.

Condoms and their use 

Klassy: Assuming condoms are the norm for all casual or new encounters. Always have a current, high-quality condom with your. You can put one on without being asked. Be sure to keep it at the base when you are done. After removing it, dispose of it in a container.

Tacky: Refuse to wear or use one. Not having any. Pretending that you had a recent STI exam when you haven’t. Pulling out a packet of 20 condoms that only has one remaining. Place it on the floor next to the bed.

Giving him oral sex 

Klassy:If he takes too long, say, “You’re so large, I need to take a break.” Saying, “Let me see you do it yourself.” When you’re done, it’s hot. If you don’t want to swallow, discreetly remove your mouth and use your hand to help you keep your mouth open.

Tacky: Men who don’t wash – or wash properly. Men who push down on your head with their hands. Men who assume that it’s okay to ejaculate in their mouths without asking first. Not reciprocating.

Her orgasms 

Klassy:She is the first. She is not going to get huffy if she doesn’t have an orgasm, but has put in the effort to perfect her foreplay skills. Invite her vibrator to bed with you. Ask for feedback and guidance.

Tacky:There is not enough foreplay. Eager to have intercourse and be able to penetrate within minutes of kissing. I have never even attempted to provide any clitoral stimulation. Tossing like a jackhammer. Giving direction or feedback to get the hump. Asking “Have ya had one yet?” Every three minutes.

Penis problems 

Klassy: Grab a small penis and look him in the eyes. Saying, “I loved seeing your getting so carried away.” Now, bring that mouth here. I’m still here for you! If he has erection problems, don’t take it personally.

Tacky: Staring at his penis, he said, “Will you even feel that?” A cutting comment: If he climaxes, and you don’t (a sarcastic, “Well, at least one of them had fun”). If things don’t go according to plan, make fun of him or ridicule him. He may make a fuss about an erection wobble.

During sex 

Klassy: Many compliments are a good thing. When you are enjoying something, moaning is a sign that they are unhappy. Put your hand where you want it to and guide them to where it feels most comfortable. Pay attention to body language cues. Never assume that there is one rule for everyone.

Tacky: Lying back and expecting that the other person will do everything. Body shame. Cricking your neck to check a text message on the phone. Stop all sexual activity after having an orgasm.

After sex 

Klassy: Discreetly slip off and then reappearing with tissues.

Specifying why you loved it and how much you love it. Cuddling and spooning. Do not get upset if someone falls asleep

Tacky: Jumping up as soon as it’s over, and taking a shower. Get huffy if you aren’t told how great you are. Lying on your stomach and refusing to show affection. Quieting and then leaving quickly, without explanation.

Flatmates and how to deal with them 

Klassy: Being discreet and quiet. Asking your lover what he or she would prefer that you do. If you’re startingle someone new, it’s important to explain who you really are. Being polite and friendly. Waiting for a drink, a cup of coffee, or a shower.

Tacky:After being told that the walls are thin, make a lot of noise. Chatting up a flatmate. Ignoring others who live there. Walking around naked. You can get whatever you want from the fridge. Drinking orange juice or milk straight from the carton. A long shower in the only bathroom when everyone else is busy getting ready for work. Wet towels are left on the floor.

Dealing with STIs 

Klassy: Regular checks are important and you should pay attention to any symptoms. If you notice any changes or think you might be exposed, get tested immediately. 

Don’t call any lovers that you haven’t used protection with. Also, make sure to check first if it’s okay to send a sensitive text. Understanding that people can become scared and angry if they learn they have been exposed to an STI. Encourage them to get checked.

Tacky: Ignoring obvious symptoms. Even if you use condoms very rarely, not getting checked. People calling to inform you that they have an STI are being abusive or rude and refusing to admit you may have one. Not telling your former lovers if you discover you have an STI. Continue to sleep with people even if you test positive. 

Tracey Cox’s two product ranges, her podcast, sex advice, as well as her books, can be found at traceycox.com