Katie Price states that she feels sorry for the drink driving offense she committed, but surely, she would want to beg the authorities to put her in jail?

She would surely admit to everyone that she was a threat to the public, and she cannot be trusted to act responsibly in spite of warnings and bans from police.

‘I need to be punished, put behind bars, please make an example of me,’ the truly Contrite Katie would cry, with a hand on her fluttering, righteous heart.

But don’t hold your breath.

She was suffering from alcoholism and drug dependence when she crashed her car on September 2.

She was also driving while disqualified for the fifth time and — to sprinkle the croutons of disgrace on the soup of shame — she was not insured.

Katie Price says she is remorseful about her drink-driving offence, but if that were true, surely she would be begging the authorities to lock her up?

Katie Price states that she feels sorry for the drink driving offense she committed, but surely, she would want to beg the authorities to put her in jail?

If that doesn’t scream serial offender with no sense of civic accountability, then what does?

Yet the judge in the Sussex court let Price off with a suspended sentence because the mother of five had booked herself into rehab — into the Priory no less, that Escape From Alcatraz for celebrities.

Additionally, she has joined the mental-health bandwagon in an attempt to get sympathy.

‘Mental health is a hidden illness that can strike at any time,’ she piously wrote on social media.

It can. It can strike any old head-banger who goes on an all-night bender, then decides at 6am to drive off, fuelled by cocaine, to — it was claimed — buy more cocaine. That is what Katie did during this frightful adventure.

The 43-year old fake tan lover tells us she didn’t do it because she was dumb and reckless, but because of her issues. Please, give me an onion of empathy to help me look even slightly compassionate.

I am becoming increasingly disgusted at celebrities who resort to mental health as an excuse for their bad behavior or undeserved sympathy.

The former glamour model crashed her car in September while under the influence of drink and drugs

In September, the ex-glamor model was under the influence and crashed her car.

This is not only a cruel insult to people who struggle mentally every day but it also makes it difficult for them to access the necessary medical care.

Price’s cynicism is dangerous for the weak and is not only reprehensible. And it doesn’t fool anyone.

Katie Price was mentally frail when I met her years ago.

Is that what she was promoting? I can’t even remember, for over time she has launched a blizzard of total tat on her fans; hairdryers, posters, mouse mats, pink plastic hair straighteners, pony bridles, tell-all books, fitness DVDs, calendars, bikinis, perfume, the lot.

The Pricey was all about money. ‘It’s not like I’m getting any money for talking to you,’ she huffed, simmering away like an angry carrot, her orange forehead wrinkling with resentment as she snubbed the mildest inquiry.

After that experience I felt so terrible, and determined to forget it, I resolved not to ever write about her. It was impossible!

I waged my own war against her absolute ghastliness, grasping arrogance and inexplicable rudeness.

The cynicism of stars such as Price is not just reprehensible, it is harmful to the vulnerable. And it doesn’t fool anyone

Price’s cynicism is not only obscene, but also harmful for the weak. And it doesn’t fool anyone

Some have hailed her as a feminist, but it is clear that she only cares about herself.

Katie would do anything for an extra buck, from monetising her family and her dim cavalcade of increasingly useless husbands, to exploiting her long suffering fan base — once even trying to sell a pair of her pre-loved silicone breast implants on eBay.

She is amazing with Harvey! As Harvey And Me demonstrates, her care for Harvey is exceptional.

But her domestic life appears to have become chaotic. Her fathers are constantly moving around, and there has been recent financial disasters that seem entirely to her own fault. In court this week her lawyer pleaded that her life had spiralled into debt and chaos, seemingly suggesting none of it was her own fault because she is not good at paperwork; one unpaid £7.50 road toll has escalated into a £1,400 fine.

Yet Katie always seems organised enough to make and keep her grooming appointments — the myriad manicures, tans, hair extensions and eyebrow shaping upkeep that are all part of her brand.

‘This is a lady with a lot of things going on,’ said her defence lawyer. What mother isn’t?

Who else would get a sentence of imprisonment in these circumstances than Price? Katie Price, a serially reckless driver has proven over and over again that she can cause havoc on roads. She is someone who would be just as happy to endanger the lives of other motorists as she appears to be intent on ending her own.

The court could not place her well-being above the safety of the public. Sussex Police have considered appealing the lenient suspension sentence.

What message is it sending? It is particularly important at this time of year as police chiefs intensify nationwide campaigns against drunk driving and promise anyone who takes the wheel after enjoying a celebratory drink will end up in jail.

Katie Price? You can check in at the Priory. And not if you are ‘bad at paperwork’. I could say more, but I don’t want to upset her mental health.

Los Angeles’ Academy Museum of Motion Pictures was my first stop. They’ve got everything from the Citizen Kane Rosebud sled to ET. You are given an Oscar when you step onto the Oscar Experience stage. The audience cheers you on and then you’re handed the real Oscar. The experience was incredible, much to my amazement. ‘And the Oscar goes to Jan Moir,’ boomed the voiceover, as I choked back tears. Gwyneth! I’m sorry for tittering while you flubbed your Best Actress speech from 1999. This is what I understand now.

A prince among veggies

SPROUTS One:One brief and glorious moment in London saw a pop-up Brussels sprout restaurant light up brightly. Now, its gas has run out.

The menu: Brussels arancini, shredded Brussels tabbouleh, Brussels sprout risotto, with lemon, chilli, and hazelnuts. All washed down by Brussels sprout-infused Bellinis.

Guests were entertained by entertainers in costumes as Brussels sprouts, who sang the appropriate songs. ‘You were the wind beneath my wings,’ they sang, before launching into the Bob Seger classic, Against The Wind.

SPROUTS 2: ’Tis the season of the sprout, which is celebrated in America in ways unheard of here. In posh restaurants, such as Buvette in New York, they are called ‘Choux de Bruxelles’ and come shaved and served with pecorino cheese and walnuts.

Bicyclette Los Angeles serves them with frisee, lardons, and soft-boiled eggs in a bowl. They are mixed tableside by the waiter as though he were anointing precious green babies’ heads. Delicious! Brussels sprouts over there are treated like royalty. Here that’s how we describe some of our royals, which is something else altogether.

Star Hobson, and the other misbegotten kids like her, are haunting us all.

I can’t stop thinking about Star’s desperate relatives, trying to get help. Their relatives knew something was amiss and attempted to make social services intervene. But they were blocked at every turn and then dismissed. Star’s great-grandfather was reduced to posting photographs of her unexplained bruises on Facebook — his way of screaming from the rooftops that something was wrong.

In a BBC interview, he said he used to go to work crying, adding that ‘I will never, ever get over this.’

Why did social workers believe these relatives were biased because Star’s mother was in a gay relationship? This was not supported by evidence.

One has to wonder why social workers won’t listen to relatives who clearly only have the best interests of the child at heart.

Which bad motives could a grandparent, great-grandparent, or other relative have?

The shadows of family life were dark and the monsters of the innocent were ignored.

It all can go wrong. Jennifer can take the blame.

Ben Affleck is accused of using Jennifer Garner as a scapegoat for his alcoholism.

‘It is part of why I started drinking,’ he said during an appearance on a radio show this week. ‘Because I was trapped.’

Perhaps that was why he had an affair with their children’s nanny.Perhaps that was Jennifer’s fault, too. Wives, eh?

Brad Pitt spoke the same thing about Jennifer Aniston’s doomed marriage. ‘It became very clear to me that I wasn’t living an interesting life myself,’ Pitt said in 2011. ‘I think my marriage had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn’t.’

Don’t these men bear any of the blame for their failed marriages? Or is it the case that if you’re called Jennifer, then it is your fault?

Don’t these men bear any of the blame for their failed marriages? Or is it the case that if you’re called Jennifer, then it is your fault?

Don’t these men bear any of the blame for their failed marriages? Or is it the case that if you’re called Jennifer, then it is your fault? 

It’s all I ask for at Christmas. . . You don’t have to do that much

Mariah Carey has really given up the tour?

The diva told Rolling Stone magazine this week that: ‘I’m so not going on tour ever again in my life. I miss my fans and being with them, and that’s the only thing that’s great. Covid is a great alternative. . . it’s a little bit weird, right?’

Instead, she wants to create music in filmed studio events where fans can watch her ‘talk to the guitar player, talk to the bass player and tell them, like, “Here are the notes I want to hear, blah blah blah”.’

Why didn’t Joni Mitchell or even Mozart think of that?

Is Mariah Carey really giving up touring for good?

Mariah Carey has really given up the tour?