Wow, was it a great year. With the onset of a pandemic, we thought 2020 would be bad. But, it was not. We were forced into three lockdowns.
There was light at the other end of the tunnel, thanks to the miraculous, game-changing vaccines that allowed us to escape the darkest hours we’ve endured over the past two years. And this time we even managed to save Christmas — hurrah!
There were people who, despite all the anguish and pain, made us feel alive. Then there were those who annoyed each and every one of us (Yes, I’m talking to you Matt Hancock). Here’s my 2021 list of villains and heroes. . .
Daily Mail columnist Jan Moir: ‘Well, what a year it has been! Below is my 2021 list of villains and heroes. . .’
HEROES
DANIEL CRAIG
Miss Moir, we have been waiting for you. . . Readers, I think you’re mistaken if you believe that I will bow out in 2021 without paying tribute to the greatest Bond ever to live.
Daniel Craig has left James Bond after 15 years of work and five movies. He made a final appearance in No Time To Die. Some people complained that the movie was too long at 163 minutes. But many of us could have happily watched another hour or two, especially if it involved Daniel crashing around in his tighty whitey grandad vest looking tough but tender, as he peppers bad guys with bullets while tucking Mathilde’s crochet bunny Dou Dou into his braces for safekeeping. Our guy, despite being a tough nut and retaining his liquefied center, was filled with a bumper Bond chocolate box.
While I wish to personally thank Daniel Craig and his 007 services, however, the restraining or is still in force, so it will be done here.
While I’d like to express my gratitude to Daniel for his 007 services, however, I have to comply with the restraining or I will need to say it here.
From the opening scene of Casino Royale to the approaching missiles in the final scenes of No Time To Die, it’s been a blast. Craig continues to be the only Bond that can claim to have been a half-credible cold-blooded killer or lady-killer. Extra hero points for the pink velvet Anderson & Sheppard jacket he wore to the London film premiere, something only a real man could wear. It is possible to not cry over his death, but it will not stop me.
EMMA RADUCANU
Don’t you just love her? You should be proud of her for not only winning the U.S. Open September but also for showing such grace, joy and cheer. Emma, 19, has the cool poise and maturity of a champion despite only having completed her A-levels in summer. Emma is both physically graceful and inspiring.
Even more remarkably — unlike the many taciturn, introverted top seeded players we know all too well — she seems to be full of joy about tennis and her role in the sport. ‘I didn’t know I had some of those shots in me,’ she exclaimed, after one win.
Lady Gaga, the most inexperienced of all the star casts for House Of Gucci’s hit movie, was able to maintain her head even when the others around her were losing theirs.
LADY GAGA
She wasn’t as experienced as the rest of the House Of Gucci cast, but she managed to maintain her cool when everyone else lost their heads. Jared Leto, Al Pacino, and Jared Leto played the roles of criminally insane characters while Adam Driver, as the doomed Maurizio, just bumbled about in a poloneck.
Gaga’s performance as Patrizia Reggiani was a great example of Russian-Italian harmony.
MICK JAGGER
We spoke of Mick this year in the same manner as we used to talk about our grandpas. He is amazing! Amazing for his age. He’s still as happy as a spring goat.
Mick, now 78, is not yet done. He was a social media star for the Rolling Stones tour, taking photos between concerts.
He visited St Louis’ tourist attractions, laid on the Miami Beach, explored Las Vegas Strip, and enjoyed a pint in the Thirsty Beaver dive bar in Charlotte. He was not noticed by anyone. He does this because he loves it. ‘I don’t want to be stuck in a hotel room watching TV,’ he said. This is an incredible feat, after so many decades.
Rod Stewart’s wife Penny (pictured) could just sit at home and marinate in all the luxury that being married to a multimillionaire rock star entails. Instead she trained as Special Constable and now works in London to deal with the unsympathetic crimes and misdemeanours often found in our cities.
PENNY STEWART
Rod Stewart’s wife could just sit at home and marinate in all the luxury that being married to a multimillionaire rock star entails. Instead she trained as a Special Constab and now works in London to deal with the unsympathetic crimes and misdemeanours often found in our cities.
Example? One example: Bless you, Penny — and everyone else who puts on a uniform and deals with the daily grot on our behalf.
CANDACE BUSHNELL
I really can’t be bothered with Sarah Jessica Parker and all the Sex And The City actresses. Candace is a journalist and writer who inspired this hit TV series.
This year, the 63-year-old took to the stage in her one woman-show, in which she praises the ‘bonus years’ of late-life singledom and throws hair scrunchies into the audience during the encore. And just like that, she’s the real heroine of the whole thing.
Gillian won an Emmy in bizarre circumstances for Outstanding Supporting Actress In a Drama, in the role of Margaret Thatcher
KATARINA JOHNSON–THOMPSON
The UK’s world champion heptathlete had to bow out of the Olympics when a calf injury scuppered her chances during the 200 metres. She was not disappointed and refused to use the official wheelchair, instead limping along the finish line on her own. She said: ‘I started the year in a wheelchair and I was not willing to end my Olympic campaign the same way.’ Heroine.
CAMERON OF LOCCHIEL
He is who? He was a poor laird from the highlands who happened to have the unfortunate fortune to play a role in the new, tumultuous historical romance of the Duchess. Fergie’s 187th book features Lochiel, a ‘rugged’ Scotsman with a ‘cultured Highland lilt’ who is called upon to have a romantic clinch with the headstrong, red-headed heroine Lady Margaret, a character whom Ferg has affectionately based on her good self. Margaret is so comely and her embrace so warm that Lochiel has to ‘rearrange his kilt’ afterwards.
Truely, the man who has the lilt will never wilt. I’m not saying it’s a stilt. It’s just the way he is built. Fergie should stop doing sex in 2022. This is all that I request.
VILLAINS
MATT HANCOCK
Matt Hancock was the Health Secretary at the time of his affair with Gina Coladangelo. He quit his job and left his three children and wife behind. ‘I had blown up every part of my life and I concentrated on my personal life first,’ he said. ‘It was the right thing to do.’ No. To not do it would have been the best thing.
Matt Hancock, Health Secretary was when Gina Coladangelo’s affair was revealed. He was fired from his job, and he left his wife, his children, and attempted to claim that it wasn’t his fault.
SALT BAE
He charges £630 for gold leaf wrapped tomahawk steaks and £100 for a golden hamburger at his London restaurant. But Salt Bae — aka Nusret Gokce — is not the real villain here. It is those who pay the price that are really guilty.
CHICKEN AND WINE
It is time for wine and cheese to get over their selves and cease appearing at meetings of the Government.
JONATHAN CHEW
The trial of one of the idiots accused of assaulting Chris Whitty in a London park in June recently came to court — and dissolved into farce. Jonathan Chew, who claimed to be suffering from coronavirus, appeared before Judge Goldspring through a video link. He was lying in bed covered in a gown on his bed. The brief transcript of the trial says everything you need to know about the victim culture of today’s youth.
‘I feel like I’m innocent,’ said Chew.
‘A remarkable recovery, I might say, from where you were two minutes ago,’ said Judge Goldspring.
‘I’ve got diagnosed coronavirus,’ cried Chew. ‘Are you saying corona is not real now? I feel like what you’re doing now is victimising me. You’re calling me a liar.’
Judge Goldspring said calmly: ‘Your cavalier approach to the severity of these proceedings is breathtaking.’
‘What does cavalier mean?’ said Chew. Little wonder that his own lawyer withdrew from the case because he was ‘professionally embarrassed.’
The trial was rescheduled. He should be banged up for stupidity and wasting everyone’s time.
Salt Bae — aka Nusret Gokce — is not the real villain here. He is paid by the fools.
H
H, the evildoer of Line Of Duty was finally exposed in Series Six after nine years. However, viewers weren’t impressed when it turned out to be dim bulb Ian Buckells who was the Brummie stooge and the supposed mastermind. This was almost like finding out Jasper Carrot is Batman. It was the worst day of the entire year.
JAKE GYLLENHAAL
Jake was outed as the rotter who broke Taylor Swift’s heart. In an admirable act of revenge, she chronicled his romantic shortcomings in her ten minute — ten minutes! — hit song, All Too Well.
What crimes is Jake guilty of?
Some of these were not attending her 21st Birthday party, refusing to acknowledge her presence, leaving her alone when his friends came over, charming her dad and holding her cup upside down, not giving her her scarf back, not telling her she loved her, and dressing in a plaid shirt.
‘You call me up again just to break me like a promise,’ she sings, rather brilliantly. ‘So casually cruel in the name of being honest.’
Only three months were the longest he spent with her. Taylor makes sure he doesn’t forget.
Mick, 78 years old, isn’t done yet. He was a social media star for the Rolling Stones tour, uploading photos from his experiences between shows.
THE SCOTTISH POSTMAN WHO DIDN’T DELIVER
In February, Scottish postman Thomas McCafferty walked away and left an injured OAP lying in the snow outside her Falkirk home — because he was too tired to assist.
‘I can’t help. I’m knackered. Absolutely knackered,’ he told 72-year-old Patricia Stewart, who was crying in pain with ‘a lump as big as an egg’ on her head.
Is this what has become of humanity? McCafferty was fired by the Post Office, so I have a little hope for the future.
ANTI-VAXXERS
We are sick of their pseudo-scientific beliefs and misplaced belief that everyone is wrong. They think Covid is ‘just the flu’. Governments are fearmongering. That the whole thing is a Spectre-ish conspiracy, designed to control and kill all of humanity — except them and their bobble hats. It’s like trying to reason with an earthworm from Flat Earth.
It is time for cheese and wine to get over their selves and cease showing up ineligible at key Government meetings
SILICON MEDALLISTS
At this year’s Olympics, British sporting stars started viewing their silver medals as shameful. They were not gracious about their defeats and accepted with dignity the bronze or silver awards, but they behaved like children given a booby prize.
Ben Whittaker, a boxer from West Bromwich was among the worst. He was a 24-year-old West Bromwich light heavyweight who cried and didn’t congratulate Cuban Arlen, his opponent. He later apologised, saying he was just ‘disappointed’. England’s football team was similar when it lost in the Euros final in July to Italy.
So unBritish! Not always having won is the important part of life, but fighting well.
GILLIAN ANDERSON
Her ridiculous portrayal of Margaret Thatcher, in The Crown. Yes, the wig was great and the costumes impeccable, the handbag the correct model — but as Mrs T, Gillian shuffled around like a post-stroke, half-shut knife.
In some scenes, it appeared that she was hunchbacked. She looked like Richard III, a male Richard III, walking along the corridors and with an erect stoop, Maggie seemed to have a keen interest her own kneecaps. It’s not for gurning as Mrs T has said almost every time, but it was exactly what she looked like.
Gillian won an Emmy in the midst of this bizarre role for Outstanding Supporting Actress In a Drama.