Saturday, September 18
I used to be at a ninetieth celebration for media tycoon Rupert Murdoch at his Henley house tonight when Jeremy Clarkson got here as much as congratulate me on rejoining Murdoch’s firm Information Company, for which I’ll anchor a brand new international TV present.
‘Ah, Morgan,’ he bellowed, ‘I used to be going to textual content you to say properly carried out in your sensible new deal, however then I assumed you’d simply put that in your column, and I can’t be seen to be saying optimistic issues about you, clearly. So, I made a decision to let you know in individual tonight as an alternative.’
‘Thanks, Clarkson,’ I replied, involuntarily fingering the scar on my temple from the place his fist as soon as gouged a gap throughout a much less amiable part of our relationship. ‘Simply to make clear, you’re paying me a praise to my face so you’ll be able to later declare you by no means mentioned it?’
‘Sure!’ he chortled.
‘Believable deniability?’
‘Precisely!’ he guffawed.
Others have been happier to commit their good needs to technological receipt document.
I used to be at a ninetieth celebration for media tycoon Rupert Murdoch at his Henley house tonight when Jeremy Clarkson (above) got here as much as congratulate me on rejoining Murdoch’s firm
‘Simply examine your new media deal,’ mentioned a textual content from a quantity I didn’t recognise. ‘Congratulations!’
‘Thanks!’ I replied, ‘however who is that this? Title didn’t come up?’
‘Ivanka,’ got here the reply. ‘Hello! With my father and Jared they usually ship their regards.’
It’s been some time since I had any contact with the Trumps. ‘Thanks!’ I replied. ‘Inform your dad… I almost miss him.’
Monday, October 4
I used to be very unhappy to listen to that Solely Fools And Horses star John ‘Boycie’ Challis has died. A lifelong Arsenal fan like me – the wicker casket at his funeral contained a flash of crimson to have a good time his devotion to the Gunners – John and I usually ‘chatted’ on Twitter the place, as you would possibly count on from somebody who performed such a forthright and opinionated character on display screen, he was a provocative voice who shared my frustrations about our soccer group, and extra particularly, concerning the unbearable woke brigade wrecking the world.
Once I raged about universities banning clapping to keep away from triggering snowflake college students’ anxiousness, he tweeted: ‘Piers, in case you rob an actor of his or her, or any of us who isn’t fairly certain, applause – then we are going to die.’
And after the wokies tried to cancel Disney’s Snow White as a result of the good-looking prince kisses the heroine ‘with out consent’ whereas she sleeps, Challis bemoaned to me: ‘Will panto need to be cancelled perpetually?’
Extra lately, Jennifer Saunders mentioned Completely Fabulous wouldn’t get made right this moment as a result of it will be deemed too offensive, and I commented: ‘After all, it wouldn’t. No enjoyable or “inappropriate” humour is allowed within the drab, dreary fascist world of wokedom.’
To which Challis, whose personal brilliantly non-PC Boycie will inevitably be cancelled by these puritanical imbeciles too, replied: ‘What’s anyone doing about it?’
The reply isn’t sufficient, however I intend to do much more about it with my new present.
Simply want he was going to be round to see it.
RIP John, and thanks for all of the laughs.
Friday, October 8
Challis and I’d have shared the identical eye-rolling view about Sir Keir Starmer’s absurd virtue-signalling demand that the subsequent James Bond be feminine.
Although I feel he’d have chuckled as loudly as I did tonight when Have I Bought Information For You visitor host Stephen Mangan quipped: ‘The producers of the Bond films have already mentioned the subsequent James Bond is not going to be a girl, however simply to bother Piers Morgan, the one who makes all of the devices might be referred to as LGBT-Q.’
Monday, October 11
Prince Charles (above) has revealed his 50-year-old Aston Martin is now powered by cheese and wine. Aren’t all of us, Your Royal Highness!
Prince Charles has revealed his 50-year-old Aston Martin is now powered by cheese and wine.
Aren’t all of us, Your Royal Highness!
Tuesday, October 12
The primary official report into the UK Authorities’s dealing with of the coronavirus pandemic is a damning verdict, with the cross-party group of MPs declaring it ‘some of the vital public well being failures the UK has ever skilled.’
They lambast dithering Boris Johnson and his woeful Ministers for a litany of fiascos, together with delayed lockdown and social distancing, ‘light-touch border controls’, a shambolic testing system, pursuing a ‘herd immunity’ coverage and throwing care houses to the Covid wolf.
These have been all of the issues I ferociously attacked Ministers for on the time, believing their deadly errors have been costing hundreds of lives, because the report now confirms they did.
I used to be roundly abused again then by folks accusing me of ‘scaremongering’, and rattled No10 ordered an eight-month boycott of all Ministers showing on Good Morning Britain to cease them being held to correct account for the unfurling catastrophe.
Boris’s former chief aide Dominic Cummings was as soon as once more giving it the massive ‘not me guv!’ one on TV and Twitter right this moment, determined to keep away from any blame for his personal culpability over the scandal, so I reminded everybody that it was him who stopped journalists like me asking very important questions when it most mattered.
‘I banned them ’cos all of us had higher issues to do than waste our time on a useless instrument shouting indignant soundbites and calling it “information”’, he snapped again.
This response – the primary direct contact I’ve ever had with Cummings – completely encapsulates the blinkered, nasty vanity of a person whose personal shockingly hypocritical actions did a lot to break public confidence in Authorities coverage.
‘I don’t suppose you’re in any place to throw across the “useless instrument” slur,’ I replied, ‘however good to see you lastly admit you stopped me holding Ministers to correct account for his or her failures that value 1000s of lives.
‘Gutless & pathetic, like your lies over Barnard Fortress.’