Monday, October 4.
It’s been a rough 18 months for everyone, but nothing quite prepared me for the devastating hammer-blow that crashed down on my head this morning.
For 12 years, I’ve dined out on the fact that Susan Boyle, the greatest break-out star from any talent show in history, only entered Britain’s Got Talent because she fancied me, or as she put it in her own inimitable way: ‘I had a wee crush on Piers.’
She even had a pillow that had my face on it.
But today, Susan appeared on my former BGT co-judge Amanda Holden’s Heart Breakfast show and dropped a bombshell.
‘You don’t fancy Piers any more, I gather?’ said Amanda.
‘Who?’ Susan replied, witheringly, before adding: ‘I respect him. But I don’t fancy him. I’ve grown up a bit now.’
Wow. Brutal.
Susan sang the immortal BGT audition that touched all of humanity.
‘I had a dream my life would be, so different from the hell I’m living, so different now from what it seemed, now life has killed the dream, I dreamed.’
Tuesday, October 5
By coincidence, I met up today with another feisty lady from my talent- show days, the indomitable Sharon Osbourne, with whom I worked on America’s Got Talent for years.
We hadn’t seen each other since Sharon lost her job on CBS show The Talk back in March for defending me over the Markle debacle that led to my departure from Good Morning Britain.
She was in great form and looked amazing, but it was clear that she was angry at the treatment she received for exercising her free speech rights.
Over a 90-minute breakfast at Claridge’s we (Piers Morgan and Sharon Osbourne, above) laughed like drains and swapped tales of ghastly disloyal celebrities who ran a mile
It really is an absurd state of affairs, in two supposed great democracies like Britain and America, when I’m not allowed to disbelieve a brazen fibber, and Sharon’s not allowed to stand by a friend because it makes her a ‘racist-supporter’, even though I never said anything racist about Princess Pinocchio.
But one thing I’ve learnt about Mrs O over the years is that, like me, it will take a lot more than a bunch of whiny woke weasels to cancel her for long.
Over a 90-minute breakfast at Claridge’s, we laughed like drains, swapped tales of ghastly disloyal celebrities who ran a mile when we hit our icebergs – you know who you are, and we won’t forget – and there were occasional tears too (Sharon’s had an awful time in the past year with family health issues).
We also discussed future career partnerships, as there are very few people I would rather work again with.
At the end, we stood up and hugged goodbye and a guy at a nearby table jumped to his feet and exclaimed loudly: ‘I want to see you both back on TV very soon! Preferably together!’
We thanked each other, and Sharon winked at me before I replied:
‘Watch this space, mate.’
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Ted Lasso, the hit US sports comedy-drama that follows a coach in America who becomes a manager for an English football team called AFC Richmond, has been rightly celebrated around the world as an inspiring celebration of kindness, empathy, and compassion.
I tuned in tonight to the Season Two finale, ready to be bathed by a soothing televisual bath old-fashioned decency. I was particularly excited after an American friend gave me the wink that I got to namecheck.
It’s true, I did.
My big moment came when AFC Richmond’s PR lady Keeley Jones (played by Juno Temple) is seen speaking on the phone to an unseen pushy journalist.
‘It definitely sounds both helpful and compassionate,’ she says, ‘but I don’t think that you moderating a session between Coach Lasso and a celebrity psychiatrist is the best move right now. Brentford is his primary focus. Thank you very much.’
She then hangs up and mutters: ‘F*** you, Piers Morgan.’
Friday, October 15
The new Bond film No Time To Die is a great action extravaganza with brilliant stunts, and there’s no question that Daniel Craig is one of the best 007s.
In fact, I’d put him third behind Sean Connery and Roger Moore, though at the launch party at Mark’s Club in Mayfair tonight for her outrageously funny new book, My Unapologetic Diaries, Dame Joan Collins surprised me by saying she reckons Pierce Brosnan was No 1.
The problem with the movie is its lack of humour, devilish charm or seduction.
The new Bond film No Time To Die is a great action extravaganza with brilliant stunts, and there’s no question that Daniel Craig (above) is one of the best 007s
James Bond has been neutered by the PC brigade to the extent that he’s not even allowed to chat up Miss Moneypenny, presumably for fear she would immediately call HR to have him suspended for inappropriate conduct in the workplace.
And when confronted by one of the hottest ever Bond girls (sorry, I mean ‘brainy Bond people’) in the form of scene-stealing Ana de Armas, Hollywood’s most legendary womaniser morphs into a bashful asexual monk.
It’s as if the script had been written by The Guardian’s editorial team.
If I were casting the next Bond, I’d go for Idris Elba, who I bumped into at the recent Arsenal/Spurs game.
He’s Connery-proportioned physically and exudes the required simmering menace. But he’s also got a mischievous twinkle, and a keenly appreciative eye for pretty ladies (he once directed it at my then fiancee Celia in a way that I had to swiftly rebuff, Oddjob-style) and he’d restore some much needed old-school Bond sexual charisma to the role.
Monday, October 18, 2008
The Miss France beauty pageant is being sued for ‘selecting contestants based on their appearance.’
OK, that’s it, I’m done.
If Sir Richard Branson or Jeff Bezos are reading this, can one of you please rocket me off Planet Earth before I’m woked into an early grave by these joy-destroying lunatics.
I’ll take my chances on Uranus, if it’s still allowed to be called that by the time I get there.