As Boris Johnson strode purposefully towards the House of Commons exit, he threw a triumphant upper-cut towards his backbenchers – shades of Joe Root punching the air after his comeback century at Lord’s on Sunday.
Mr Johnson’s performance at PMQs had been nowhere near as assured as Root’s heroics. Not even close.
But the sense of relief he must have felt after the letting-off he’d just received at the despatch box will have been far, far greater.
The session was supposed to be Sir Keir’s crowning moment. His chance to plunge the poignard deep into the PM’s gizzards and twist hard. They knew that they were witnessing a murder.
Yet Labour’s leader held off. He asked dull questions about NHS, rather than hitting the PM with a hammer over the disastrous confidence vote. It was as though Monday’s no-confidence vote had never happened. He had bottled it. Was he ‘frit’, as Mrs Thatcher liked to say?
Boris branded Starmer’s attacks on the Government’s health record ‘satirical’. After the week from hell, I’m not sure he could believe his luck
Boris will be criticized by Sir Keir supporters. Labour’s interests are best served by him remaining in power. I’m not sure I buy any of that. Starmer, if this is true then Starmer will be even less political than we thought.
Voters are looking for leaders with a killer instinct and a little bit of ruthlessness. Starmer will soon have to answer their questions beyond the sanctimonious declarations and permanent blocked noses.
The PM wasn’t looking at his best, as it must be stated. He was not looking his best. Dawdling behind the Speaker’s chair, there was none of his usual japing or tummy-poking.
When Tory party chairman Oliver Dowden appeared, Boris pulled a suggestive face at him as if to say ‘fancy taking one for the team, chief?’
The cheers which greeted the PM’s arrival were far from ecstatic. It was more like a National League crowd. Numerous Tories were silent.
From Labour’s benches came a volley of pantomime boos. This was what they were anticipating. Angela Eagle (Lab Wallasey), took an early shot. It was funny to see how much she loathes the Prime Minister at the moment. ‘And that’s only in his own party,’ she quipped. Eagle fixed Johnson with one her cannibal-toothed grins. (Incidentally, why is she not on Labour’s front bench? As they say in academia, discuss.
Enter Starmer. He had an oven-ready joke prepared, wondering aloud whether the Tories had been cheering or booing Boris when he’d arrived. As usual, he fluffed his lines by pretend-giggling before he’d even reached the punchline, revealing yet again what a stretch jokes are on his resources.
He started with a loosener on GP numbers, before proceeding to read long extracts from ex-Treasury minister Jesse Norman’s recent letter to the PM in which he accused him of lacking a plan.
It was impossible for me to hear any question that I asked. The chamber had already become suffocated by boredom after ten minutes. You need to have the ability to calm such a hostile atmosphere in such a brief time.
Sir Keir then began railing against the Government’s failure to fix inadequate hospitals. The Tory MPs looked puzzled at one another. Is this where he was going? As for Labour’s previously excitable benches, they’d by now dissolved into wild indifference.
Boris, however, was doing quite well. He branded Starmer’s attacks on the Government’s health record ‘satirical’. After the week from hell, I’m not sure he could believe his luck.
A question from Starmer about NHS contracts followed which was so technical I’m not sure anyone without a medical degree would have even understood it
He was seated two rows back, with Theresa May in the second row. Her face was a picture of waiting room anxiety, perhaps trying to figure out why he seems to always get away with everything.
A question from Starmer about NHS contracts followed which was so technical I’m not sure anyone without a medical degree would have even understood it.
‘This line of attack isn’t working,’ sighed Boris. Boris was able to get almost unanimous support from the House.
The SNP’s Ian Blackford compared the PM after his confidence vote to Monty Python’s hapless Black Knight who insouciantly claimed his mortal injuries were ‘only a flesh wound’.
Boris smiled. ‘Barely a flesh wound,’ he muttered to himself. Deluded? Perhaps. But on this showing, he won’t going quietly.