It was a while back, when I was riding in a London taxi and the driver said to me, “Don’t you tell me!” That Simply Red guy is you! Whatshisname — Mick Hucknall?’
He was gentle, I thought. He didn’t know that I was Mick Hucknall.
He said, “I’m sure you do that every day.” It was actually Mick Hucknall I never mistook for. But, for those few seconds, I was happy to be confused with a famous pop star — much happier, I’m sure, than Mick Hucknall would have been to be confused with me.
It can be difficult to look like someone you don’t know. The real Tina Turner is currently suing a singer called Dorothea ‘Coco’ Fletcher, who tours Europe in a show called ‘Simply The Best — The Tina Turner Story’.
A while back, I was riding in a London taxi and the cheerful driver told me: “Don’t tell my!” That Simply Red guy is you! Whatshisname — Mick Hucknall?’ I was trying to make him feel better. Craig Brown wrote that I didn’t say Mick Hucknall.
Dorothea is a clear resemblance of Tina Turner’s young daughter, Tina Turner. She presumably also sounds like Tina Turner. She has been in trouble because of the way she impersonates Tina Turner.
German lawyers representing Tina argue that some fans might believe they are watching their client, rather than an impersonator. Dorothea’s lawyers replied that such an individual would have to be chronically stupid.
Would he? It is a fact that after just a few moments of being in the company of talented tribute acts, it becomes easy to imagine that you’re actually watching the originals. Many tribute acts offer a more authentic representation of their idols than they can ever imagine.
You can celebrate tribute acts for many other reasons. They are also hairdressers, pet parlours and keep alive the British tradition of pining. Pictured is tribute band No Way Sis from 1996
Nic Cohn, the great rock journalist witnessed Tina at her peak. She was ‘whirling, pounding, and screaming. . . her flesh dripping, her hair flying everywhere and her man-eater big teeth flashing. . . Her energy is unstoppable. She flies herself around on stage like a madman, her hair fluffs her flesh. . . The sweat starts to roll off of her and her lips begin to peel away from her teeth. She’s quite murderous.”
This was 55 years ago. The real Tina Turner is now 81 years old — or, to put things in perspective, seven years older than Ann Widdecombe. It is impossible to expect her to still sing and dance as well today. Only one way to solve this problem is: For Dorothea Coco Fletcher, send!
Tribute bands are something I believe in wholeheartedly. You can see The Beatles in their prime by going to The Bootleg Beatles and The Fab Four. And why watch creepy electronic avatars of the OAP members of Abba, digitally de-aged, when, for a quarter of the price, you can enjoy a suitably youthful tribute group like Bjorn Again?
You can celebrate tribute acts for many other reasons. They are proud to continue the British tradition of pining, along with pet parlours and hairdressers. Fake That and The Rolling Clones are popular tribute acts.
The real Tina Turner (pictured) is currently suing a singer called Dorothea ‘Coco’ Fletcher, who tours Europe in a show called ‘Simply The Best — The Tina Turner Story’. Dorothea is very similar to Tina Turner’s young daughter and sounds almost exactly like her. She has been in trouble because of the way she impersonates Tina Turner.
Lez Zeppelin refers to a female four-piece band, Surely Bassey’s Shirley Bassey-like is Surely Bassey and a Blobbie Williams-obsessed Robbie Williams group rejoices in its name Blobbie Williams. Oasish and No Way Sis are three different Oasis tribute groups. My favourite is Oasisn.
The tribute franchise could be expanded beyond pop culture.
Yesterday, Michael Heseltine, a commentator on the poor state of the Conservative Party, was shown to me.
Although he’s now at 88, his health is good for his age. However, he no longer looks like Tarzan.
In a similar fashion, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, appeared in a BBC documentary discussing their rivalry. Their appearances were made to look artificially old by coloring their hair with thick crayons and sprinkling flour onto their hair. Would it not have been kinder — more lifelike, even — to have employed looky-likeys, so that we could witness them as they were?
Columnists, however, have it easier. The photo of me in the column’s top remains unchanged as I age. This is much easier than getting a facelift. Do I just replace the photo with one of Mick Hucknall’s? It’s been years since Mick Hucknall last visited me. He probably now looks like Vince Cable.
Michael Heseltine (pictured) was talking about the sad state of Conservative Party. He’s now 88 years old and is in great shape, although he no longer looks like the Tarzan of yore.