Infidelity can cause emotional reactions that are predictable. The consequences of discovering an affair in the bedroom are not predictable.
Cheating on sex can have a dramatic effect, but it doesn’t always happen in the most extreme cases.
There are many different ways in which infidelity can affect sex.
The most common, as you can imagine, is that…
Tracey Cox reveals how finding out your partner is having an affair with someone else can make your sex experience more enjoyable. Image: Stock
Sexuality is a far-fetched idea.
I will be the first to say that affairs can be very painful.
Emotional instability, sleeplessness, angry arguments, uncontrollable sobbing, extreme anger or intense sadness, feeling like you won’t survive the pain, confusion, bewilderment, hatred and fear of being left and alone – these are just some of the emotions people experience after the discovery of an affair.
Most people don’t think it is possible to have sex. The thought of having sex with your partner, even intimately, is too much for you.
“I was desperate to have sex, but I could see his hands touching me every time, so I didn’t want him touching me,” a young woman said. “She was sleeping in our bed. I couldn’t do it – it caused me so much distress to even try. We were both as close as thieves when he did it to us. He did this to us and we were as close as thieves.
Tracey says while it is the most popular reaction to cheating partners, many couples hold onto their sex tighter than ever.
Sex requires vulnerability. Sex requires vulnerability.
If you go back to having sex, your partner will believe everything is okay and that they have been forgiven. We would do anything to make our partners suffer at their worst. As punishment, sex is not allowed.
This all seems so unfair
A 31-year-old woman, who discovered her husband was cheating over the past year, told me that despite having many problems. “We had loads of fun having sex all the time he was doing it. The worst part was that if that’s the case, how is it going to turn out when it’s not? He could not ask for more. Months of therapy were required before I could kiss or hug him on the cheek. While we’re now married, it took months of counseling before I could have sex again. However, the experience still feels unnatural.
Infidelity can cause sex to become unsafe. Your sexual trust and security are lost, and you feel vulnerable.).
Also, there is a risk of injury. You may be exposed to an STI if you or your partner did not practice safe sex. It would be the last nail in the coffin.
It’s possible to have the most amazing sex in your life
However, while many cheating couples move to different sides of their home after discovering it, other couples stay together and hold onto each other.
A 42-year old woman said to me that her partner was having a text relationship with an old friend. He received a bit of attention from another lady and thought it was okay to continue it. It stopped when I discovered. Although it had an impact on our sex lives, it was better. It was not the fact that he wanted me less, but more – it was his fear of losing me. At the time, I was confused but felt desired. That gave me my confidence back.
Lots of couples find they have more sex with each other post affair than ever before – passionate, intense sex.
Even if you hate yourself for having wild, fantastic sex – you don’t want your partner to think you’ve forgiven them – it happens.
There are many reasons.
First of all, you want to make connections because you fear losing each other.
The second is primal “mate guarding”: You want to claim what’s yours.
Third, the affair creates distance between you – and distance fuels desire. Only close relationships experience problems with desire. This person is who? Although you may think you know your partner well, you really don’t. You’re actually sleeping with someone new and your desire to be loved is revived.
What we want is what other people want
It is also possible to see the person you are with through their eyes. You can see the value in someone else’s desires and you will be able to appreciate things you did not before.
After discovering that his wife was having an affair with a coworker for over two years, one man admitted, “I reacted primitively, animalistically.” “My wife was quite a quiet woman. It made her sexier to know she had cheated and that she was able to go ahead with it. After she revealed her secrets, we had months of wild sex. My ex couldn’t stop sexing with her and I could not. It also had the element of “This was mine”. She had an affair with someone else, so I was unsure if she stopped it. Therefore, having dirty, lusty sex with him was a way to get back at him. She left me to marry him, and the last period of our marriage was filled with sex.
People find that they are more daring than ever, and hope better sex will prevent future betrayals.
It’s not possible to heal a marriage with a lot of sex.
Reparing the damages caused by an affair will require you to work on every aspect of your personal life together. However, this is unlikely to lead to any serious harm. It can act as an emotional bridge.
The end of the era is marked by affairs.
A pettering marriage can be tainted by infidelity. Infidelity can bring joy to an indifferent or lackluster spouse by bringing them full attention.
“My wife put me on the longest leash I could imagine,” a man said to me. She was a pathological jealousy and could fly at any opportunity. We had lots of brilliant sex when we met but after a while, she would only have sex when she felt secure – which was never. For twelve years I lived this way, never going out or doing anything to upset her. When I reached 50 I realized I was living the best life possible.
It was part of this. The affair was with a coworker at work. It didn’t last very long, but my wife learned and we were able to turn the tables. The thing she feared the most – me being unfaithful – happened and she survived. They finally became comfortable and have reconnected. It’s even more enjoyable than the first time we had sex.
Sometimes, good things come from affairs. The person most often benefiting the most is the one who deceives.
“You thought I wanted more?”Esther Perel (therapist and world expert on infidelity) says that this is the most common reaction for the hurt party.
You don’t have to act like you’re happy with the mediocre or no attention after your affair has been revealed.
Your partner can be in the doghouse, but you have the right to make the decisions.
Both love and sex are essential.
Couples have some of the most open and honest conversations in years after an affair.
Many people fall in love again when they can reach out to their partner. But don’t ignore the romantic side.
To survive, you need love and sexuality. There are many affairs because while love is growing, sex can wither and eventually die.
While it might seem harsh, infidelity could be an alarming sign that your relationships are not being nurtured and attended to. Your partner will not be content with crumbs. It’s important to have sex and your partner isn’t indifferent to others’ charms.
In short, it can sometimes provide the kick up the a*** both of you needed.
Tracey has more details on how to cope with an affair. You can find them on Tracey’s blog, traceycox.com or on their podcast SexTok. Listen to all podcasts.