Infidelity can cause emotional reactions that are predictable. The consequences of discovering an affair in the bedroom are not predictable.

Cheating on sex can have a dramatic effect, but it doesn’t always happen in the most extreme cases.

There are many different ways in which infidelity can affect sex.

The most common, as you can imagine, is that…

Tracey Cox has revealed how unearthing your partner's affair can change your sex life, from finding your partner's touch unbearable to having more passionate sex than ever before. Stock image

Tracey Cox reveals how finding out your partner is having an affair with someone else can make your sex experience more enjoyable. Image: Stock

Sexuality is a far-fetched idea.

I will be the first to say that affairs can be very painful.

Emotional instability, sleeplessness, angry arguments, uncontrollable sobbing, extreme anger or intense sadness, feeling like you won’t survive the pain, confusion, bewilderment, hatred and fear of being left and alone – these are just some of the emotions people experience after the discovery of an affair.

Most people don’t think it is possible to have sex. The thought of having sex with your partner, even intimately, is too much for you.

“I was desperate to have sex, but I could see his hands touching me every time, so I didn’t want him touching me,” a young woman said. “She was sleeping in our bed. I couldn’t do it – it caused me so much distress to even try. We were both as close as thieves when he did it to us. He did this to us and we were as close as thieves.

Tracey says that while the most common reaction is to withdraw sex from the cheating partner, some couples cling on tighter than ever before

Tracey says while it is the most popular reaction to cheating partners, many couples hold onto their sex tighter than ever.

Sex requires vulnerability. Sex requires vulnerability.

If you go back to having sex, your partner will believe everything is okay and that they have been forgiven. We would do anything to make our partners suffer at their worst. As punishment, sex is not allowed.

This all seems so unfair

A 31-year-old woman, who discovered her husband was cheating over the past year, told me that despite having many problems. “We had loads of fun having sex all the time he was doing it. The worst part was that if that’s the case, how is it going to turn out when it’s not? He could not ask for more. Months of therapy were required before I could kiss or hug him on the cheek. While we’re now married, it took months of counseling before I could have sex again. However, the experience still feels unnatural.

Infidelity can cause sex to become unsafe. Your sexual trust and security are lost, and you feel vulnerable.).

Also, there is a risk of injury. You may be exposed to an STI if you or your partner did not practice safe sex. It would be the last nail in the coffin.

Tracey shows you how to deal with an affair after it’s over. 

Although every couple has a different approach to an affair, there are certain common elements that help each other.


Do not make long-term decisions right away.. Do not do anything you cannot undo.

You are not unusual to be overwhelmed by grief. It is difficult to grieve the loss of a partner you loved and the bright future that you believed you could have.

While others will be judging, it is up to you – and only you – to decide whether or not to stay.It doesn’t make you weak if your sanity isn’t tested. You need to have more courage and fortitude in order to remain.

Wrap yourself in a blanket filled with loveSpend time with your loved ones and share the joy you have found in them.

Don’t ask for sordid details. This is a terrible idea. Instead of saying “I’m sure they’re sexier/had better bodies/better than me”, ask yourself if the affair was meaningful to you.’.

Even though the affair was not about sexBecause sex can be the most intimate thing that you and your partner do, it seems like this is about sex. A strong relationship can have sex as its Achilles heel. You can make yours the best.

Sex must be a part of your relationship at some point.You can be your best friend forever. You can have brutally open conversations about sexual preferences and not be afraid to critique your older selves. Make new rules for this new relationship.

Start slowly. When you are first intimacies, it is normal to feel anger. Both of you will be angry at the ghost of the other. Patience and time are your only options to get them off your bed.

You can start by just cuddling. Then, you can move onto more advanced activities.. Even if you are in tears or storming off after a session, don’t lose heart. You can use the Sensate Focus program to help you. Don’t forget about after-play. Chat, snuggle, or just lay down together. It’s equally important.

You can’t win every argument with the affair. Even if it is tempting and even though it may seem impossible, you will still be there many years later.

It isn’t a straight-line process.. You’ll be laughing, drinking wine, thinking you are done. But the next day, you realize that you were thrown back into bitterness from day one.


Recognize that you are the one who caused all of this pain. Because it was true. It doesn’t matter if your partner put you there, it is important to acknowledge that it caused you pain.

Your partner should feel secureYour presence is with them right now. It’s clear that they were hurt badly by you and you truly regret it.

Lies can do as much harm as cheating. Good relationships can only be built upon honesty. If trust can ever be restored, it will take many years. You cannot lie about anything except social lies.

Honesty and tact are essential, but honesty is even more important. Answering “Was he more comfortable than me in bed?” Answering, ‘Was he better than me in bed?’ It’s quite amazing. It was something I had always wanted to know. It was a new person. It was exciting because of its novelty.

Was there anything you got from the affair that your partner wasn’t?First, a good therapist asks you about your past. What kind of relationship did you have with that person? You might be able to fulfill these needs together.

Small, everyday acts of kindness can bring healing.Don’t be afraid to make small gestures. Making tea. Singing “I love you”

You shouldn’t ask your partner for any information.. Tell your boss if you have cheated on someone at work. You don’t feel anything, they do not have much to be concerned about.

It’s okay to let them down.. Even if the affair was exciting, hurting someone you love is awful to witness – especially when you know you caused it.


It’s possible to have the most amazing sex in your life

However, while many cheating couples move to different sides of their home after discovering it, other couples stay together and hold onto each other.

A 42-year old woman said to me that her partner was having a text relationship with an old friend. He received a bit of attention from another lady and thought it was okay to continue it. It stopped when I discovered. Although it had an impact on our sex lives, it was better. It was not the fact that he wanted me less, but more – it was his fear of losing me. At the time, I was confused but felt desired. That gave me my confidence back.

Lots of couples find they have more sex with each other post affair than ever before – passionate, intense sex.

Even if you hate yourself for having wild, fantastic sex – you don’t want your partner to think you’ve forgiven them – it happens.

There are many reasons.

First of all, you want to make connections because you fear losing each other.

The second is primal “mate guarding”: You want to claim what’s yours.

Third, the affair creates distance between you – and distance fuels desire. Only close relationships experience problems with desire. This person is who? Although you may think you know your partner well, you really don’t. You’re actually sleeping with someone new and your desire to be loved is revived.

What we want is what other people want

It is also possible to see the person you are with through their eyes. You can see the value in someone else’s desires and you will be able to appreciate things you did not before.

After discovering that his wife was having an affair with a coworker for over two years, one man admitted, “I reacted primitively, animalistically.” “My wife was quite a quiet woman. It made her sexier to know she had cheated and that she was able to go ahead with it. After she revealed her secrets, we had months of wild sex. My ex couldn’t stop sexing with her and I could not. It also had the element of “This was mine”. She had an affair with someone else, so I was unsure if she stopped it. Therefore, having dirty, lusty sex with him was a way to get back at him. She left me to marry him, and the last period of our marriage was filled with sex.

People find that they are more daring than ever, and hope better sex will prevent future betrayals.

It’s not possible to heal a marriage with a lot of sex.

Reparing the damages caused by an affair will require you to work on every aspect of your personal life together. However, this is unlikely to lead to any serious harm. It can act as an emotional bridge.

The end of the era is marked by affairs.

A pettering marriage can be tainted by infidelity. Infidelity can bring joy to an indifferent or lackluster spouse by bringing them full attention.

“My wife put me on the longest leash I could imagine,” a man said to me. She was a pathological jealousy and could fly at any opportunity. We had lots of brilliant sex when we met but after a while, she would only have sex when she felt secure – which was never. For twelve years I lived this way, never going out or doing anything to upset her. When I reached 50 I realized I was living the best life possible.

It was part of this. The affair was with a coworker at work. It didn’t last very long, but my wife learned and we were able to turn the tables. The thing she feared the most – me being unfaithful – happened and she survived. They finally became comfortable and have reconnected. It’s even more enjoyable than the first time we had sex.

Sometimes, good things come from affairs. The person most often benefiting the most is the one who deceives.

“You thought I wanted more?”Esther Perel (therapist and world expert on infidelity) says that this is the most common reaction for the hurt party.

You don’t have to act like you’re happy with the mediocre or no attention after your affair has been revealed.

Your partner can be in the doghouse, but you have the right to make the decisions.

Both love and sex are essential.

Couples have some of the most open and honest conversations in years after an affair.

Many people fall in love again when they can reach out to their partner. But don’t ignore the romantic side.

To survive, you need love and sexuality. There are many affairs because while love is growing, sex can wither and eventually die.

While it might seem harsh, infidelity could be an alarming sign that your relationships are not being nurtured and attended to. Your partner will not be content with crumbs. It’s important to have sex and your partner isn’t indifferent to others’ charms.

In short, it can sometimes provide the kick up the a*** both of you needed.

Tracey has more details on how to cope with an affair. You can find them on Tracey’s blog, or on their podcast SexTok. Listen to all podcasts.