The REAL experience of police officers in sex clubs: How consent monitors kick males out of ‘lurking’ at lesbians and ensure that there’s ‘pre scene negotiation’ before any BDSM play

  • The experience of consent monitors working at sex clubs has been revealed by sex club employees  
  • One man said that men have been forced to be thrown out of the house for “spanking” women or “lurking.” 
  • Some others have stated that they had to end BDSM scenes when it appeared that a woman wasn’t enjoying the program. 

The work of consent monitors at sex clubs has been revealed by those who have seen what it is like to enforce a policy on intimate parties. This includes interrupting BDSM scenes in order to see if anyone is happy and kicking men out for lurking with lesbians.

Speaking to VICE, a group of monitors revealed how they works at a sex parties actress the UK to ensure everyone is sticking to pre-designated rules and ‘having fun’.  

A consent monitor is a trained member of staff – usually in uniform – whose job is  separate from standard security roles, with their main aim to monitor welfare of guests.

Vice was informed by Alex, a monitor who identified himself as Alex. He stated that people are most likely to violate boundaries. Alex gave an example of a man who tried to start sex, but only verbal sex, and he had to throw him out. 

“She replied, “No. We’re not having sexual relations.”” He then grabbed her hair, continued with oral sex and went back to doing it again. This was clearly a consent violation as she stated that “we are not having sex” and only had oral sex.

Consent monitors who work at sex clubs have revealed what it's really like to police intimate parties, from interrupting BDSM scenes to check if everyone is happy to kicking out men out for lurking on groups of lesbians (stock image)

The work of consent monitors at sex clubs has been revealed by those who have seen the inside. They can interrupt BDSM scenes in order to make sure everyone is happy, or kick out lesbians for being lurkers (stock photo). 

“She had been quite shaken.” He claimed that she was looking at him in a particular way. This is a common excuse I have heard. His explanation was that visual cues are not valid as an excuse for consent.

Alex claimed that Alex had previously pulled a man out because he grabbed his hair from a woman who was “playing with another lady”.

He said that the excuse of the man was “I was struck by her way of looking at me. I was the one who consented to her actions, but verbal consent is not sufficient. 

Another monitor, known only as Mia, explained that she had to kick a man out  for lurking at a group of lesbian women who were ‘playing’.

She revealed that there was an “a huge group of women who were playing together” and that there was one man that got so excited that he came over to watch. That made her day.

What exactly is a consent monitoring device? 

Consent monitors are people who work in sex clubs to make sure that partygoers feel safe while giving their consent.

They are not part of the usual security team such as doormen or bouncers. Instead, they monitor sex rooms and ‘dungeons to make sure guests’ welfare.

One of the UK’s largest sex clubs Killing Kittens defines enthusiastic consent as “an enthusiastic response to all aspects of sexual activity” rather than a simple yes or no.

“The goal here is to decrease pressure, coercing or manipulating people to sexual activity and to read whether your partner is as excited to do so.” 

“At the beginning I kept side shifting and getting in his way. Then when I realised that he wasn’t quite getting the hint, I turned round and very kindly said, “I realise this is really exciting for you, but this isn’t cool”. 

It was revealed that at another private event, there was a “young lady” who was “young and very wealthy”.

‘He just walked about the place and every time there was a girl bent over, he slapped her on the ass in a way that was like ‘Boys, boys, lads, lads, lads’. I ran at him and shouted, ‘Get the f*** out of my dungeon now. You’re not welcome here.’

Rich is a six-year veteran of professional sex monitoring at a British club. Rich also stated that sometimes there’s no obvious sign of a problem, and that it’s often necessary to interrupt scenes “based on feeling”.    

One example he cited was the ‘basic Impact Scene’, which included spanking. 

“The woman seemed to be hunched over his touch. Her body language was dull, her expressions were pitiful and her eyes seemed pale. At this point, the man pulled out a condom. This indicated to me that he intended to enter the woman. When I approached him, I requested that he stop. The person with whom he was having fun didn’t appear to be reacting in the usual way. After becoming more aggressive, he was willing to let me speak to his partner while he explained.

Rich went on to say that the woman had ‘no experience of BDSM’  and only agreed to engage because he had pressured her to do so. 

“They did not do any pre-scene negotiations, and there were no references to sexual contact. 

“I called security and had the man taken away. Fortunately, I was able to bring her back with her friends. It can be disruptive to interrupt but I’d rather do it and be wrong, than dismissing my concerns overly cautiously and possibly overlooking a serious consent violation.