One mother revealed that her husband has told her she will never be seeing her again, after telling her to “get over” the loss of her daughter at 20 years old.  

Taking to the British parenting forum Mumsnet, the mother-of-four revealed she had three sons and a daughter who passed away at the age of 20 in 2019.

When her husband shared with work colleagues that they had three children, she was devastated. He also laughed at the idea of not having any daughters in his family. 

She said, “He keeps texting me, telling me how much he love me, and that I must get over the death of my daughter, OUR.”

Comments were divided over whether or not the mother had been unreasonable in allowing her husband to spend the evening thinking about his grief, and whether or not she should have invited his daughter along. 

A woman took to the forum Mumsnet to ask if she was being unreasonable after she stopped speaking to her husband

Mumsnet was contacted by a woman to see if her husband had stopped talking to her. 

After revealing that she hadn’t talked to her husband in 2 days, the mother said that her husband thought she was being unfair and made a huge deal out of everything. It is not unfair to me, but I think about it.

“Friday Night, We went to the Pub with His Two New Colleagues and Their Partners. 

“We were just talking, and one of the women asked him: “So, how many children do you have?”

“He said that he had three children. She continued to ask, “So all the boys and no girls?” He laughed and replied, “Yup.” 

She explained the the post that she had felt angry and upset when he pretended he only had three children

 She explained the the post that she had felt angry and upset when he pretended he only had three children

“At that moment I wanted to cry, punch the table so desperately,” said my mother. 

“We are blessed with a daughter. In 2019, my 20-year old daughter died. He said this to me and I’m so mad.

She continued: ‘I confronted him at home, and he saw nothing wrong with it: “Well she’s dead, we don’t have four children anymore”. ‘

“I got my purse out and headed to my sister’s place.” He hasn’t been in touch with me since. I will never see him again. 

Some of the commenters sought to understand why her husband used these words. 

One individual wrote, “Some people handle things differently.” Your husband will feel the same loss as you, however we sometimes protect ourselves from suffering and this may be his way to do that.

One person agreed with him: You aren’t unreasonable to feel upset. I wonder if it is so that he doesn’t have to discuss it. While I don’t think he’s right or wrong, I can understand why he would in such a situation.

Some commenters felt that both sides had a point and that the real issue they needed to work on was communication

Some people felt both sides had points and communication was what they really needed to improve.

Some others thought it was unfair to keep a child who is deceased out of the conversation.

A sympathetic woman stated that he didn’t need to talk about the passing of her mother. He could just have said three boys, one girl and that was it. The conversation was moved on.

Another person wrote: ‘Telling a mother that she needs to get over the death of her child is unacceptable. 

“And she categorically has 4 children. The fact that one of them died doesn’t change that fact.”

Some commenters were astounded that the husband could be so blasé about his daughter's passing, despite his own grief

Some commenters were astounded that the husband could be so blasé about his daughter’s passing, despite his own grief

“I would not be speaking to him.”

Another said that the next thing colleagues would say to each other was unlikely to be “And, are all they alive?” That was it! Then he just needed to add, “Four of you?” The conversation continued.

Others wondered if her mother prevented her husband’s grief in the most natural way. She replied that she was unfair. 

One individual explained that he was being unfair and didn’t want his daughter to die. People deal with their grief differently. 

Some commenters were in complete support of the husband's grieving process and thought the mother had overreacted

Some comments supported the husband’s grief process, while others thought that the mother overreacted.

One other commenter agreed, saying: “It’s unfair that you think you can make him feel/think/say exactly the same way as you.” Different people deal with different things.

“There are no wrong or right here. But not talking to him just because he is different than you is wrong. It’s quite manipulative and wrong.

One third party wrote that they understood why someone who had lost a child would not wish to be forced to tell everyone what happened. Saying they have three children rather than three boys and one daughter was a way of getting around this and keeping the painful memories alive.

“I understand why you may be upset, but I also think that not speaking to your husband for at least three days about this issue is inefficient. 

“You should sit down together and figure this all out.