No sooner had the tellers called out the result than Labour’s benches erupted like an angry pub brawl. Although their face masks were able to keep us from the stench of their bared teeth and seething flashes, their loud cries still echoed around the room.
‘Shame!’ they yelped. ‘Sleaze!’
The usually mild-mannered Lucy Powell (Lab, Manchester C) shrieked something inaudible at the Speaker’s chair, sending Sir Lindsay Hoyle’s peepers into a tumble-dryer spin. Dinosaur John McDonnell (Lab, Hayes & Harlington) was soon up on his high hooves: ‘Not in my name!’
The opposite bench sat in silent, stark contrast. Some Conservative MPs began to twiddle their thumbs. Others stared up at the ceiling – hoping some intergalactic force might beam them out from the sheer awkwardness.
They had just voted to stop the suspension of Owen Paterson, ex-environment secretary (pictured), who was found by the Parliamentary Standards Commission to have used his position as an MP in order to lobby for two firms that had been stuffing his wallet full of wonga
They were embarrassed. Ashamed, even.
They may be. They had just voted to stop the suspension of Owen Paterson, ex-environment secretary, who was found by the Parliamentary Standards Commission to have used his position as MP to lobby for two firms that had been stuffed full of wonga. To make matters worse, the Government chose to amend the entire system that monitors Owen Paterson, rather than accepting that their man was caught with his hands in the cookie jar.
Setting up a body, with its own set of procedures – oh, and with a pre-selected Tory chairman while they were at it. Even a Kalashnikov-toting, tin-pot tyrant might blush at such blatant disregard for procedure.
Just two weeks ago, we can only imagine how they cried in such unity as they mourned Sir David Amess. And yet here politics was – back at its worst.
The opposite bench sat in silent, stark contrast. Some Conservative MPs started to twiddle their thumbs. Others stared up at the ceiling – hoping some intergalactic force might beam them out from the sheer awkwardness
It is a disgusting, nose-peggingly horrible place Parliament can be. Stridently making the Government’s case was Leader of the House Jacob Rees-Mogg who delivered a performance worthy of a mafioso’s attorney.
Paterson was not impressed by his sluggish style. He was perched three rows behind him, his eyes lifeless. Mogg argued that the current system was broken. It had to be changed. Yes, but why now?” Thangam Debbonaire, Thangam’s incredulous opponent, replied.
Mogg cockily adjusted the specs.
Despite the Government issuing a whip with three lines, it was clear that many MPs did not want to have anything to do it.
Sir Peter Bottomley, Father-of-the House, said that while the current system may be flawed, the timing of this amend was perfect.
Aaron Bell (Con, Newcastle-under-Lyme) accused the Government of ‘moving the goalposts at the last minute’.
Bravo, Mr Bell! However, please be ready to stand for a while on the backbenches.
Some opposition MPs were utterly guileless. This was perhaps to be expected. But since Paterson has claimed the tawdry saga was partly responsible for his wife’s suicide, their case could have been made far stronger with an injection of subtlety.
Mogg was cocky about his specs. Despite the Government issuing a whip with three lines, it was obvious that many MPs did not want anything to do it
‘This is the most corrupt government in history!’ boomed Richard Burgon (Lab, Leeds E) whose contributions dismay even his own colleagues. ‘Siddown!’ yelled the Tory benches. I noticed that Labour MPs didn’t budge.
Mother of the House Harriet Harman was a more gracious approach. She expressed ‘utmost sympathy’ for Paterson. In the 20 years they had been in the House together, he had shown her nothing but ‘kindness and courtesy’.
But, she pointed out, MPs could not just ‘make the rules and set them aside when we have misgivings about the outcome.’ Nicely done. Far more effective than her colleagues’ fog-horning.
Chris Bryant, Chairman of Committee Standards, closed the debate and presented the case against Paterson in a speech that was a juror-turning speech.
He said that this was not a one-off event. There were 14 separate instances of lobbying – a clear pattern of behaviour.
This time, however, she was completely on the money. This was perhaps the most shameful thing about a day of misery for the Tories.
And for that, he had ‘brought this House into disrepute’.
Bryant spoke first, and Paterson gave the smallest shake of his head. This was, according to me, the only movement he made in the entire debate of 90 minutes. He remained as rigid as an Easter Island statue for the remainder of the debate.
Angela Rayner’s devastating soundbite was the best of the day. Standing in for Sir Keir Starmer at PMQs earlier, Labour’s deputy leader said of the Government’s plans: ‘When they break the rules, they remake the rules.’
Calamity Ange, when it comes to political debates, can usually be trusted that she is completely wrong. But, this time, she was actually right on the money. This was perhaps the most shameful thing on a day filled with ignominy for Tories.