MOTHER SUE
Sue Tidy is a 64-year-old autism support worker. worker. Two daughters. She lives together with her partner Near St Austell Cornwall. We had hoped for it. It’s a large family Christmas. She said:
Sue Tidy (64), is an autistic support worker. After she was divorced, Tidy had two beautiful daughters. She lives in Cornwall with her husband, near St Austell. According to her,
turkey lunch, chestnuts roasting on an open fire, champagne toasts and cosying up in front of the Queen’s speech. My Christmas is about the family.
That’s why we invite nearly 20 relatives to our home in rural Cornwall every year.
Sue Tidy (64), who invited almost 20 family members to her Cornwall home for Christmas is split because Rebecca, the oldest of her three daughters, has demanded that anti-vaxxers be expelled from her house. Pictured with Sue and Rebecca
I’ve always loved the traditional family gathering and now we finally have grandchildren — a three-year-old and a one-year-old — it’s better than ever. Even though it falls on me to do most of the preparations, I’m really looking forward to the big day. Particularly after last year’s damp squib.
Actually, it was something I had been looking forward too, but Rebecca, my older daughter, raised concerns. I have four siblings with a large extended family, but Rebecca has declared that unless I disinvite four of them, she and her three-year-old, Mabel, won’t be coming.
What is the cause? All four are anti- vaxxers: they have refused all three Covid vaccines and believe it’s a big conspiracy.
Though I don’t for one second think this pandemic is a hoax, I’m conscious that we can’t force or pressure people into accepting unwanted vaccines, so I believe we just need to make the best of things. I’ve been very careful about Covid myself — I’m triple-vaccinated and have avoided busy restaurants, pubs and shops since the pandemic began. That said, Rebecca’s feelings were so strong that I was shocked.
When I casually mentioned that they were coming, in conversation last month, I genuinely didn’t think she’d have a problem with it. They had to be disinvited, she became furious. And it wasn’t long before she called her sister Chloe, who’s 32, and three of their cousins, who soon got on the phone to me and voiced their anger, too.
They’ve all made it clear they aren’t happy to meet with anyone who hasn’t had their jabs. It was initially madness to me, but I am now able to admit that they are correct. After all, we’ve spent the entire year trying to avoid virus transmission. All of this precautions can be abandoned for a day.
But it’s Christmas. How can you possibly turn anyone away from your door, especially when you haven’t seen them for months? It’s left me in a really tricky position, as I don’t want to upset anybody. I feel completely torn and it’s making me dread the whole affair.
Initially, I’d assumed it was just Rebecca being melodramatic. It wouldn’t be the first time I feel she’s over-reacted.
Sue suggested that any un-vaccinated relatives should take a PCR or lateral flow test before coming, but they have been reluctant. Pictured with Sue’s daughter Rebecca (left) and her granddaughter Mabel (right).
But when the rest of the younger generation made their feelings clear too, I realised the problem wasn’t going away any time soon. I was especially concerned when my youngest and three nieces also started sending me Facebook messages explaining how anti-vaxxers needed to stop threatening everyone’s safety.
Hoping to avoid a big argument, I invited one of these relatives, who I’ve always been very close to, for a cup of tea to discuss the matter tactfully. It certainly wasn’t the easiest of conversations.
They were furious and genuinely seemed not to understand why they were being ‘banned’ from Christmas Day. I was also informed by them that they believe Rebecca is overprotecting her child. Their belief that vaccines can cause serious health issues is supported by the fact that the virus can be transmitted to others who have received the jab. I didn’t know what to say. I’m definitely a peacemaker, so I tentatively suggested that any un-vaccinated relatives should take a PCR or lateral flow test before coming, just as a precaution.
It was an acceptable compromise, I thought. Unfortunately, they said they are reluctant to take the test because they feel singled out by the girls’ comments. And the girls say they don’t trust them to carry out the tests properly anyway.
I find it sad that someone will always be upset, no matter how hard they try. Now I feel guilty as I keep asking myself if I should have taken my girls’ feelings into account sooner when agreeing to do Christmas this year. One of my nieces works at the local hospital as a nurse and another is a paramedic, so they’ve seen some truly awful things over the past 18 months. The new Omicron variant has yet to hit Cornwall where we live, but it’s only a matter of time.
Sue says there is a part of herself that wants to encourage everyone to spend Christmas at home this year. It’s hard to make everyone happy. From left: Louise to Rebecca and Mabel. Sue
If I became sick, it is something that worries me. The local hospital often hits the headlines as it’s struggling to cope with the volume of patients needing help.
My paramedic niece pointed out that it’s already less than ideal to have 20 people crowded into a hot, stuffy room for the day. This confined space is dangerous because potential Covid particles are flying about, and she suggested that vaccinations were not necessary.
It’s a valid point. It was two Christmases before we were all diagnosed with terrible coughs and colds. This illness was a long-term one that took many weeks to recover from.
Still, I can’t deny that it just doesn’t feel right to exclude those you love from such a lovely day.
I’ve thought about all kinds of compromises, like setting up a gazebo or marquee in the garden or meeting up at one of the local outdoor carol services.
But in reality, it’s exhausting enough preparing for Christmas Day as it is, without all this extra hassle. I spend almost all of my free time in December slaving over a hot stove — from baking gingerbread to gluten-free chocolate yule log so everyone can enjoy it.
There’s a huge part of me that’s tempted to tell everyone to just spend Christmas in their own homes this year. It’s not easy trying to keep everyone happy and there’s always at least one or two arguments in the run-up to the day itself, no matter how much effort I make to keep the peace.
You might consider hiring someone to organize the event.
At the moment, both factions are still coming so it promises to be a humdinger — you’ll find me hiding in the kitchen!
DAUGHTER REBECCA
Rebecca Tidy is a 34-year-old writer who lives in Truro, with Mabel, her three year old daughter. She doesn’t They want non-vaccinated members of the family to be there. She said:
Rebecca acknowledged that anti-vaxx parents are legitimate to express their opinions. However, she was unwilling to take the risks associated with knowing people who refuse social distance, use masks or get the jab. Sue and Rebecca
Christmas day is usually a chaotic, noisy and joyful time of family celebrations where everyone enjoys a good time. I absolutely love spending it at my parents’ farm with all of us together. And I was particularly looking forward to it this year after last winter’s lacklustre day, which Mabel and I spent alone. Imagine my surprise when my mom casually said that anti-vaxx family members would be joining me last month.
They are a threat to everyone and they should be removed. I haven’t seen them since last year — even though we were previously always close — due to their anti-vaxx stance.
From their Facebook posts, it’s clear they are Covid deniers. And while they’re entitled to their opinions, I’m unwilling to accept the health risks of knowingly coming into contact with people who refuse to social-distance, wear masks or have the jab.
I’ve avoided them since the start of the pandemic and naively believed they’d have the decency to stay away from our family Christmas. I hope we will reunite one day when it’s safer, but I’m not prepared to back down. The Omicron strain is far more transmissible.
I’m not the only person to feel like this. You can see my Facebook timeline and you will find many heated discussions about whether it is okay for unjabbed people to have Christmas lunch.
Unsurprisingly, many feel very strongly about this — it is, after all, potentially a life and death matter. Around 146,000 people have died from the coronavirus alone in the UK.
My mother was shocked when I told her my thoughts. It seemed absurd that someone could let unjabbed people in a hot, crowded place during a pandemic. I found it a bit difficult to believe that she would allow unjabbed people into crowded rooms during a pandemic.
It was especially surprising when you consider that she’s been more careful than any of us when it comes to the virus.
Despite her general good health, she had heart failure during her 30s so she’s been very careful about who she sees socially. I get that she’s worried about creating family division, but what’s more important — causing offence or avoiding Covid?
Rebecca claimed that Mabel, her child (pictured), didn’t attend nursery during the initial 12 months of the pandemic. She was extremely vulnerable to covid and Rebecca believes she is too.
Mabel was born preterm with respiratory problems. She spent much of her childhood on a ventilator. It’s only recently that she’s gained enough weight to be considered healthy, so she’s highly vulnerable to Covid. She didn’t even attend nursery for the first 12 months of the pandemic.
It is not what I want to witness her struggling for breath, her tiny body connected to medical equipment and tubes. This was my worst nightmare, fearing that I might lose my baby. It was a stressful time for me, and I couldn’t sleep for several weeks because of my worry.
And it’s not just little Mabel’s health — there are my lovely grannies who’ve gone to great lengths to avoid Covid as they’re both over 80. Meanwhile I’ve overcome two malignant melanomas in the past decade which required numerous surgeries.
Others in the family have serious illnesses and heart conditions. There’s just no point in risking everyone’s wellbeing for the sake of one day.
Mabel and myself should stay at home, but others may be too selfish to receive the vaccine. They should stay home, my mom.
Although I was willing to share my story, Mum preferred to take responsibility.
Last weekend, she said she’d spoken to them, but it wouldn’t surprise me if she’s just avoided the topic to keep the peace.
Already, I picture my mother silently pleading with me and my sister not to make a scene while our anti-vaxx family members take their seats in the already-crowded living area. But I’ll be furious if this happens and I won’t hold back. And one thing’s for certain, I’ll be leaving with Mabel in tow.
NIECE LOUISE
Louise Tidy, 30, a production manager from St Austell, is Sue’s niece, and agrees with her cousin, Rebecca. She said:
It was a shocking news to me that my relatives would be coming to Christmas tea with their unvaccinated children. Not a chance.
Because they are too obsessed with conspiracy theories and spend too much time on Facebook, they run the risk that everyone will become very ill.
To tell my family exactly what I thought, I sent a text message. My little sister works long hours as a paramedic so she’s seen first-hand the pain and destruction caused by this virus. There have been many hours of pain and suffering for families who have lost their loved ones.
And that’s before you consider the knock-on impact on cancer waiting times and the limited availability of beds for other pressing medical conditions.
If one of our unjabbed family members has Covid on Christmas Day, we’re all bound to catch it while we crowd around the fire. Their irresponsible behaviour could mean there’s one less paramedic to respond to emergencies over the following few weeks.
It’s infuriating because this ridiculous situation is entirely preventable with the vaccine or simply by disinviting anyone who’s unjabbed. This is because certain people have obstinate views.
Covid doesn’t suddenly become less contagious, just because it’s Christmas Day. It may be the season of goodwill, but I’m not feeling charitable enough to risk everyone’s life for the sake of a few stubborn anti-vaxxers.